And baby makes 3...

Well, here I am, blogging for the first time as a mom. Still weird to think of myself as that. I know I have a baby, I know she'll call me mom someday, but yeah, I am now a mom in society. That's weird. Since she's deep in napping mode, I can reflect a little on how she came into our life. This is going to be long, and this is mostly for me so I can remember it while it's still mostly fresh in my mind.

I was due to have her August 27th (or 28th depending on which doctor you wanted to listen to). Towards the last few weeks of my pregnancy my doctor told me that I was most likely not going to make it to then. In fact around August 13th she told me I was not likely to go another week. This was quite a surprise to me as I had always assumed that I would go past my due date, both because it's common for first time mothers  and because I myself arrived 10 days late. I even had my last day of work as the 25th since I didn't want to waste my maternity leave on sitting around the house waiting to pop.

Another week went by and I didn't give birth, but I did start to have massive amounts of Braxton Hicks contractions. To those of you who don't know BHCs are "practice" contractions where you're not in labor, it just feels like you could be. They are irregular and are just the body preparing for labor. They are one of god's cruel jokes since each time you have one you stop and think, "oh my god, this is it, right? This is it! Should I call someone? Should I- oh wait, no, they're not regular and now they're gone. False alarm." which isn't awful but it happens like 4 times a day. At my check up that week I was told I was a few cms dilated but that's also pretty common before labor and doesn't mean anything. Due to Kenny's worry of me driving (something I still don't understand) and my doctor's insistence that I could go into labor at any time, I reluctantly called into work and said I would need to start my maternity leave a few days early. I only had a Friday and Saturday shift left but it really calmed Kenny having me done.

Thursday night a friend of Kenny's was visiting her folks with her two sons and we went over to visit and I basically got to grill her for 2 hours on labor, newborns, being a mom. Her older son was interested in me being pregnant since he just went through it with his mom. He talked to my belly and I told him hopefully the baby would be out within the next week so he could meet him or her. Afterwards, Ken and I headed over for dinner with my folks and my visiting uncle in my dad's favorite bar. Not the most family friendly bar in town but they do have good food there. I ordered some fries with nacho cheese and my uncle jokingly suggested adding hot sauce to help induce. I had been trying hot food for the past few weeks trying to get things going to no avil, but saw no harm in trying once more. We made plans to meet for breakfast the following morning as he was only in town for the day. Before going to bed that night I noticed a slight dampening but didn't think much of it.

Friday morning I was still damp and I started to wonder if maybe my water bag was leaking. I had heard that this could happen and water breaking wasn't always a big gush. I called into the hospital and asked them about it and told them I wasn't sure if that's what it was or if I was just sweating since it was a very hot summer. They asked me to come in to get checked out and Ken took the morning off work to come with me. I had to call my uncle and postpone breakfast and tell him that it was probably nothing and we agreed to meet for lunch instead. Ken and I grabbed our hospital bag and took one last pregnancy picture just in case and headed up to San Jose. I kept telling myself this was probably a false alarm and we'd be heading back home in an hour and asked Kenny to put up with me being sad if this wasn't it yet. I apologized in advance to the doctors and nurses that I was probably worrying over nothing and wasting their time. They checked and confirmed that my water had indeed broken, I was officially in labor.

I was checked into the hospital and we made all the phone calls we needed to. My mom said she was going to be coming over after work and my dad said he'd be there when he was needed. Thanks to facebook and chatty moms I was getting texts from numerous friends asking how the labor was going and if baby was here yet. Ken and I placed our final bets on what we thought we were having. Both of us agreed it was going to be a girl. My uncle and brother stopped by to say hi and my mom ended up coming in by lunch. She had wanted to be there for as much as it as possible but I had told her for the actual pushing I wanted it to be just me and Ken and warned her that it might be boring the rest of the time. They asked if we knew names and we said it was going to be Theodore Patrick if it was going to be a boy and something Aurora if a girl, we'd have to see what she looked like first.

My birth plan had always been spend as much time at home as possible, sleep and eat as much as I could and only go to the hospital right before hard labor. This plan was now shot to hell. Once the water breaks, you're supposed to deliver within 24 hours to help fend off infection. My water started to break at 10 pm the night before. Contractions were not happening regular or quickly enough which meant they would need to give me pitocin. Pitocin helps bring on labor but it makes the contractions much more intense. I had wanted a natural childbirth with no pain medication so this was going to be tough. By late afternoon they had to give me pitocin since it was going to be 24 hours. Dad called and asked if he should come by. Thinking he was just stopping by to say hi like my brother and uncle I had said yes. He apparently meant to stay the whole time. I felt awful since I knew it was still a long way to go.

The pitocin started kicking in and the bad contractions were starting. So very very painful. Each one Kenny was there for me with, helping me through it, reminding me to breath, focusing me on other things. Between these I was needing to go to the bathroom which was tough due to having an iv in and being attached to fetal monitoring machine and still trying to keep myself looking composed enough for my clearly uncomfortable father. Contractions were getting worse and worse and I could no longer hide the pain from a worried Kenny. I began to just cry out with each one and yell at my mom for suggesting pain medications between them. This was just the worse of it, it was transition, it'd be time to push soon since I really really wanted to push. The doctor came in to check me and warned me that she thought it was too soon to be ready to push, that she didn't think that much progress would be made, and it was dangerous to check me too often since my water already broke. I was sure I was at least 7 cms, I had to be very close to pushing time. My heart sank as she told me I was now at 3 cm.

Hours more of painful contractions went on, my mom, dad and husband all in uncomfy chairs watching me in pain and stubbornly telling the nurses I didn't want anything for it. I had come this far without anything. I had to be getting close. I began throwing up everything in my stomach between contractions so I couldn't even rest during the lulls. At 4 am on Saturday morning I agreed to take something to help take the edge off. It at least wasn't an epidural. This took my pain level from a 10 to a 7. It only lasted about 45 minutes and I wasn't able to take more for 2 hours. I was checked again. I was up to 5 cm. Not the 10 I needed. I was not going to make it. I looked at Kenny and asked him if he thought I should get the epidural. He told me it had to be my decision. I didn't want to disappoint my friend Sherry who had trained me on natural childbirth. I realized that this was the only reason I wasn't getting it anymore. I didn't care about bragging rights anymore. I wasn't worried about it slowing down labor. I had been in labor for 29 hours already, how much slower could it be? I agreed to get the epidural. I saw a wave of relief hit my parents and husband's face.

I cried the whole time through, though not because it hurt. I felt as though I had failed. The nurse we had on was so sweet and told me how hard I had worked and how the best thing for my baby was to make sure I was well enough to bring him or her into the world. Soon it felt as if my lower torso was underwater and I couldn't feel anything that was underwater. I had a contraction and could not even feel it. Once I told this to Kenny he almost instantly feel asleep after having been up for 22 hours straight. I was able to rest a bit, things were cheery. People were more optimistic as the sun was coming up. They gave me an oxygen mask and told me to take deep breaths with it so the baby heart rate wouldn't go down to much. I hated it and took it off every chance I could. At around 11 am the doctor checked and confirmed I was at 10 cms and asked if I wanted to try pushing.

Dad left the room but mom stayed. While I had wanted it to be just Kenny and me, I didn't have the heart to send her from the room. I couldn't feel one of my legs so getting in a squatting position was out of the question. I had my mom lift on one leg, a nurse at the other, the midwife ready to deliver. Ken was right at my back and helped move me forward when it was time to push and help me move back down when it wasn't. He kissed my forehead and told me he was proud. After what seemed like no time the doctor told me she could see baby's hair. I asked the color and she said brown. My baby has brown hair. That was something I new about him or her. More pushing, and I could feel pressure but not much pain. I was always sad to hear the head wasn't crowning yet tough. It felt like the head should be crowning. My mom talked to one the nurses between contractions about the differences in hospitals compared to when she was nursing. The nurse was interested and at times I wanted to remind them there was a baby coming out of me, and maybe they could chat later. The actual doctor came in and told me mid pushing that they could no longer get a read on the baby's heart rate due to how much I was moving so they were going to attach a monitor to the head. I wanted to protest but wasn't given the option to. She attached it and left the room. I didn't like her much.

After an hour or so the baby was crowning and I could feel it. I pushed with all my might and had a room full of supportive people telling me how great I was doing. I pushed out the head, I knew I could push the rest out with the next one. The body felt like it flew right out and I suddenly had this slimy wriggling thing on my chest. It was the oddest sensation. I didn't think "Oh my baby is on me." it was more like the feeling of a warm slimy octopus squirming on me. I had to tell myself, that's a baby. No, that's my baby. I made that. And I pushed it out. It's mine. I then realized I heard crying.  That's my baby's cry. That's what they sound like. The midwife reminded Ken that he could announce what the sex was. "It's a girl!" he said proudly. One of the nurses asked what her name was and I looked down and said I didn't know yet, I'd need some time with her first. I looked at Kenny and he had tears in his eyes, and a smile as big as the one I saw on our wedding day. Mom and one of the other nurses were also tearing up. Then I felt something strange on my lower stomach. "Oh, there's her first poop!" the midwife told me. I laughed, the first thing my daughter did coming into this world was poop on her mom. Once the cord stopped pulsing it was clamped and Ken cut it. The midwife stitched up my small tear and Ken and I were left to be by ourselves with our baby. She latched on and started nursing right away and it was time to talk names.


I apologized to Ken and said she didn't look like an Alice which was his favorite name. I also said she didn't look like a Lillian which was my favorite. She wasn't a Kaylee. She wasn't a Margaret. It came down between Coraline and Clarissa. Ken told me since I did all the work I got the final choice. I went back and forth with it. I thought Clarissa was just a little more her. The nurses came in to get her measurements and dress her.

 

Mom and Dad came in and asked if there was a name yet, I said we were pretty sure it was going to be Clarissa Aurora. More relief came over my mom as she told me she really liked that name. I guess my other name ideas were worrisome for her. I was brought a turkey sandwich for lunch which was nice since I haven't had lunch meats my entire pregnancy. We got moved down the hall for my recovery room which was much bigger and with a private bathroom and two tvs. It was the life of luxury. I checked my phone and was a little annoyed that my mom had already posted my daughter's name on facebook and hoped Ken's parents weren't too mad as when we talked to them we hadn't decided on a name yet. I also wasn't sure Clarissa was her name. I looked down at her and asked "Is your name Clarissa little girl?" when I saw for the very first time a smile. I know it was just a facial tick, but I still took it as a sign. And years from now when she asks why we landed on that name I can tell her that it was the first one she smiled at.

Top 5 Underrated Bands

While listening to the radio today I realized that I'm not hip with this new fangled music the young whipersnapers are listening to these day. I never thought I'd be an old lady at age 27, but I have. This got me missing the gold old music of my favorite bands like Green Day, Linkin Park, The Offspring, Foo Fighters, etc. I realize they are still touring and making new albums and I felt a bit relieved that someday I could maybe hear good music on the radio again. I then got to missing my lesser known bands that had really good albums and songs but I haven't heard anything new from in quite some time. I have no idea where these bands are or why they're not playing more. Maybe they are and maybe I'm just missing it. Either way, I feel the need to spread the word about these awesome bands (or at least songs). And so, here are my Top 5 Underrated Bands:

5. Jem

Ok, so not a band, more of a singer, but still completely underrated. Jem is a Welsh singer who came onto the scene in 2002 and albums include "Finally Woken" and "Down to Earth", rumors of a third to come out soon.

Song they're known for: "Maybe I'm Amazed"
A fantastic cover of Paul McCartney's hit which hit it big when featured on the show "The OC"
Song they should be known for: "Just a Ride"
http://youtu.be/lS8nudsRxNs
A really fun bubbly hit that conjures up floating through some kind of Disneyland ride or psychadelic mind trip but brings you safely back.
Other great hits: "They"-haunting melody curtosy of Bach's Prelude in F minor; "24"- beautiful violins mixed with electric guitar and a ticking clock, you can't help but getting anxious and feeling the need to run somewhere before it's too late.

4. Jet

Australian rock band of the early to mid 2000's. I'd consider them sounding like modern day Beatles. Had a few albums including the very successful "Get Born" and less successful "Shine On."A quick peek at Wikipedia tells me they've officially broken up in 2012.
Song they're known for: "Are you Gonna Be My Girl"
Has played on numerious commercials as well as plenty of radio airtime. You have heard this song I'm sure.
Song they should be known for: "Look What You've Done"
http://youtu.be/XD1cxSE25ck
When I first heard this song I was obsessed. Slow, melodic, but intense. Very similar sounding to something the Beatles would have written, but still a fantastic song on it's on.
Other great hits: "Cold Hard Bitch"- great rock song, sounds like one that would be fun to play in a bar; "Move on"-much slower, reminds me a bit of Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here"; "Kings Horses"- short and sweet, has the feeling that this song is a lot older than it actually is.

3. Harvey Danger

A Seattle indie rock band formed in the early 90's. Albums include "Where Have All the Merrymakers Gone?", "King James Version", and "Little by Little" before disbanding in 2009.
Song they're known for: "Flagpole Sitta"
Featured in many a movie and still gets quite a bit of air time despite being released almost 15 years ago.
Song they should be known for: "Flagpole Sitta"
http://youtu.be/nBgmC_USeoM
Yes, they are at least known for what I believe is their best song, but it really is their best song ever. It's the most played song on my ipod and I truly never tire of it.
Other great hits: "Woolly Muffler"- great build up and fun fast guitar work; "Jack the Lion"-my second favorite of the band, great beat and fun chorus.

2. Fountains of Wayne

Formed in New York City in the late 1990's. Still together and albums include "Fountains of Wayne", "Utopia Parkway" and "Traffic and Weather."
Song they're known for: "Stacy's Mom"
She does indeed have it going on. I actually briefly considered the name Stacy for a daughter just so I could have another theme song.
Song they should be known for: "Sink to the Bottom"
http://youtu.be/FgLZMvnWxRU
It's got a very Weezerish feel to it, but being a Weezer fan, I don't mind.
Other great hits: "Hey Julie"- Sure I'm completely biased here since it is an awesome song about how wonderful this chick Julie is, but it really is a sweet song; "...Baby one more time."- a cover of Britney Spear's first hit, they totally make it their own though.

1. Jimmy Eat World

Formed in the early 90's in Arizona, this band is arguably the most successful of my list, but I still find highly underrated. I was lucky enough to see them not once but twice in concert, both times opening acts and both times rivaling the headliner for who had a better set. With 7 albums out already, there's rumors of an 8th coming out soon.
Song they're known for: "The Middle"
A fine but way over played song from 2002, at least got these guys on the radar.
Song they should be known for: "Pain"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=uaP6KgwbOvo
Such a great fast paced song that I dare you not to get pumped up when listening to.
Other great hits: "Sweetness"- unbelievably catchy; "Work"-has a sound to it that I can only discribe as Jimmy Eat Worldesq; "Chase This Light"- romantic and heartfelt



July update

Well I haven't blogged as much as I was planning on, this time I actually have an excuse though. Our house got broken into and my laptop was taken. Now I'm at the mercy of times Kenny's not on the computer in order to get in all my facebook/pintrest/etsy/blogging/superficial etc. time in. I considered writing a big long blog about how much getting robbed sucks (and it does, seriously, it happening to me for the 3rd time wasn't any easier), but it's just too depressing and I spent the last week getting over that shit. Bottom line is I'm safe, Kenny's safe, and our three kitties are safe. The didn't take anything from Pooh Bear's room and we have home owner's insurance. All the jewelry they took from my jewelry box were not nearly as prized as my necklace from Kenny (which I wear everyday because it is my favorite necklace ever) and my wedding rings (which I wear everyday because they are my favorite rings ever). I am also thankful that I just backed up my wedding pictures on our external, my fingers haven't swollen to the point where I couldn't wear my rings, and they didn't find our gun. Woot! No more tears over something that's happened and can't be changed. Just hope Karma does her thing.

In other news, 5 more weeks til Pooh Bear's here which means 5 more weeks of work til December, woot! Let's see if I crack and head back to work early due to cabin fever. I'm hoping having a baby will make the house seem new and everyday different. I don't know if I could last as a stay at home mom, but it will be fun to give it a test drive. I finished Pooh Bear's blanket which looks pretty darned adorable if I do say so myself (I do), it's gotten me back into the crafting spirit. I've already started knitting yet another scarf that I think will be fun to do for a few weeks until I get distracted by something shiny. If I were smarter than I would start up a cross stitch since that will be a lot harder to do with a youngster about. We'll see what I feel up to later. Maybe that's something I can do the week I'm off work before my baby shows up 10 days late cause that's what I'm betting is going to happen.

On the friend front I'm pretty much failing at life. I don't have the energy to make plans with people anymore so really I just wait til they seek me out. The problem is they seem to seek me out every other Saturday and every other Saturday I work. I've missed a baby shower, bridal shower and a wine limo tour birthday party because of it (that last one hasn't happened yet, but it's planned for my working Saturday). I don't know how much fun I'd really be at these things anyways since I can't drink, I'm constantly tired, and pregnant women tend to be attention getters. I understand those women who are constantly pregnant now since everywhere I go I get the "oh you look so adorable! When are you due? Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet?" Even me, the queen of look at me, am beginning to bore of it. But yeah, very impressed that people are still willing to go out in public with me. I actually don't have too many friends I would think of calling up to hang out with regardless. My red robin girls are fantastic and I love them, but nights out with them are always in bars, hookah and otherwise. They feel guilty drinking in front of me, which is silly cause I honestly don't crave alcohol at all. Hookah, yeah, I have to bow out of. But I can still go to a bar and get a cranberry juice. If only they let me. They don't invite me out anymore but I know once the baby gets here they'll be over all the time so I can take comfort in that. My high school friends I've been pulling back from for some time, due to some drama I just don't have the energy to get into right now. My old drama club friends pretty much just get together for weddings etc. The next wedding that's coming up is right after Pooh Bear's here so I'm having to miss it, which sucks cause I know it will be an epically fun and beautiful wedding. Welcome to parenthood I guess. The bright side is I do have a friend with kids, and I actually get to see her tomorrow. My sister in law is pregnant so she'll be in the same boat as me and we're family so she has to spend time with me. And my other close friend that doesn't live in LA or Fresno (who both call me from time to time and hang out with me whenever they're in town) I work with and she's actually been really awesome at planning nights out with our husbands. I think I'll be ok, just not as busy as Julie 3 or 4 years ago.

What it comes down to though is that I am happy in life, my life, however quaint it may be. Things are quiet right now but it is going to get pretty exciting pretty fast here. I'll try to keep up with the blogging for my two readers, but be understanding if I flake out.

What could have been...

I have a habit of rewatching old tv shows I've already seen a million times from start to finish. I do this most often with simpsons as they're the perfect show to put on before I go to sleep since I've seen them so many times I don't have to watch the screen, I see it all in my head anyways and I get to drift off to dreamland all the easier. While I'm awake and doing something I need to pay a little more attention to, such as crocheting, I like having something on in the background that I can passively be amused by. After going through Veronica Mars, Community, Firefly (which took no time), I stumbled upon Scrubs again. About 5, maybe 6 years ago I loved Scrubs. Couldn't get enough of it. Since then everytime I watch an episode here or there I've had this weird feeling that I couldn't shake. Like I shouldn't be watching it. I finally realized what it was.

When I first discovered Scrubs it was also a favorite show of a coworker of mine. He cracked me up, we got along really well and it became a bonding thing for us. When he'd have parties at his house we'd play the Scrubs drinking game. Both of us were single and I was told by another coworker that he had a crush on me. I wasn't exactly sure my feelings, but I couldn't say I wouldn't have given it a try. Nothing ever happened between us though. Maybe it's because he wasn't actually interested in me, but I am sure if he made a move, something would have happened.

Watching Scrubs takes me back to that feeling of uncertainty. That feeling like, all the right parts are there, why aren't we dating? There are a few other guys here or there that I sometimes wonder "what if" with.  What if I had asked him out, or gone in for a kiss? Would we now be together? Would it have ruined our friendship completely? Would it have saved me the embarrassment of those other douches I dated? Or maybe they'd just look at me like I was crazy for reading into something that wasn't there. Obviously, I love my husband and I am so glad that things worked out the way they did, but I do wonder if he still thinks of me when he watches Scrubs. I guess I just hope that I affected someone the way they affected me.

The last 100 days

Pooh Bear is due in 100 days. He or she could be a bit late, or he or she could show up early. Either way, there's a very real possibility that I could be holding my child 3 months from now. That's, like, so soon. Really really really soon. I wouldn't say I'm freaking out exactly, it's just all becoming way more real. Pooh Bear is a mover and shaker, gets the hiccups daily, doesn't like Indian or Mexican food, kicks when I play Tchaikovsky or when Kenny talks to my belly. He or she already has a personality already. I'm so excited to meet my little one but at the same time I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

I'm just not sure what to do. We haven't finished up the nursery yet, but there's nothing I can do with that since it involves heavy lifting which I'm not allowed to do. We haven't picked out a girl's name which I take full responsibility for since I hate every single girl name. I've been taking the birthing classes which have been great, I've been exercising, eating right and finally put on some weight after 5 months of trying. I just still feel like I'm playing a waiting game and there's gotta be more that I can do. I'm just not sure what that more is.

Rather than focus on the negative though I'm going to focus on what I got going for us right now. We already have the crib bought, the changing table was bought for us already as well. The nursery is just a weekend away from being completed. We have a fantastic boy name picked out. Pooh Bear's looking healthy at all appointments and besides two little worry points, I've had a very healthy pregnancy. I really feel empowered with the whole giving birth thing. And most importantly this baby is already so loved by us and the family. These last 100 days will fly by and in the mean while I'll enjoy the last days Kenny and I will have as a twosome. He's even been spending more time with me than with Diabalo 3, and if that ain't love, I don't know what is.

A good teen read

So despite the fact that I am in my late 20's, I have an obsession with teen books. I don't know what it is about them I like so much except that I think they are just much more optimistic than adult novels. These are young adults that have their whole life ahead of them and want to make a difference. It's nice and not at all what most real teenagers I know act like.

Anyways, I restarted my teen read with the Hunger Game trilogy. Then I read Across the Universe which was sadly disappointing to the point where I didn't want to talk about it and why there is no review on this blog for it. The latest book I read was great though and I recommend it to all teens out there. It's called Divergent and it's also apparently the first of a trilogy and I can't wait for the next book to come out.

The Story: Much like Across the Universe and The Hunger Games it takes place in the not too happy future (dystopian novels seem to be all the rage these days). We meet Beatrice who is a member of a faction of future Chicago that believes in being selfless. When people turn 16 they are able to choose to stay in their faction or move to one of the other 4, each that has a different trait. Prior to making this decision they are tested with a simulation to give them an idea of which they'd fit best in. Beatrice is divergent which means that she could easily fit in multiple factions. This is considered dangerous and she is told to keep it quiet. When it's time to make a decision she picks the brave faction which is full of tattooed and pierced fierce young people who fight and jump off trains. She then has to go through initiation where only the top 10 recruits get to stay. She meets some friends, gets a love interest, and uncovers controversy.

What I liked: My favorite part of this book was the romantic story line. I know, it's stupid that that's my favorite part of almost all books I read, but this one grew so naturally and didn't feel forced that I can't help it. It wasn't a "I saw you and you were hot so now I love you forever." It was slow building and only through countless encounters and experiences and understandings that they get together. They also cover the topic of sex in such a great way. Being from the selfless district, Beatrice is actually a bit of a prude. She is in an faction now that treats itself like the wild high school parties I was never invited to only without fear of someone calling the cops. Just because she can now go wild and have sex doesn't mean she's going to. Her beau is not only understanding but supportive of that too. If only more 16 year olds were like that! MTV would probably be out of business though... The book also had a lot of great themes of going against what you were brought up with but still not losing who you are completely. I could certainly relate to not wanting to disappoint my parents but at the same time knowing myself better.

What I didn't like: The factions idea confused the heck out of me for the first half of the book. They eventually explain it better but I felt like a cheat sheet of which faction believed in what ideas would have been helpful as I read the book. The overall story kind of bored me, but I have hopes that they will go into all the things they hinted at in the next two books and this was a more meet the players story. They also killed off a good chunk of the characters in this book. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, it just kinda threw me and makes their deaths less meaningful since they occurred for the most part within 20 pages of each other.

Overall, I highly recommend this to teenagers especially. It's a good story and can also apply to their lives today. Also, no vampires. Branch out, young folks!

Updating for the sake of updating

Wooot! I've discovered how to do page breaks. I'm all ready to be a professional blogger now or something. Except I'd make a bad one since I'm terrible about updating my blog. In fact right now I'm only starting a post because it's 8 pm on a Friday night and I'm really wanting to go to bed and that's just a new level of sad that I'm not ready to sink to. I haven't had dinner either and I'm really not hungry to eat anything. Ohh, maybe gnocchi. I can eat gnocchi and God can't get mad at me cause there's not meat in it. He can be mad at me for not going to church today, but eh. Anyways, this blog is going nowhere so I'll throw in a quick FFF and call it a day.

1. My dream profession would be a Broadway star. I guess I wouldn't need the lead role, but at least one of the last ones to come out for bows before the lead. However...

2. ...I would never live in New York City. So much for that career path ;-)

3. All my favorite literary characters are male. I discovered this when trying to find a good girl name and looking at books for that. I realize I hate almost every woman in books I like. The only exception being Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, and I ain't naming my daughter Luna.

4. Favorite Disney movie: Sleeping Beauty. I don't find it the best Disney movie, but it's always going to be my favorite.

5. I used to claim to be allergic to things I didn't like. Only I didn't understand how allergies worked so I would say I was allergic to spiders and pretend to sneeze when I saw one. Most people saw through this.

The dance days are over...

Saturday being St. Patrick's Day I made corned beef and cabbage for myself, my husband and a couple of friends whom I thought were joining us for dinner. Let me start off by letting you in on an Irish secret. Corned beef and cabbage is like the easiest thing in the world to make and looks extremely impressive and then you get to tell people you've been cooking it all day. The secret of this: The Crock Pot. In the morning I threw in some carrots, tiny potatoes, chopped up onion and then placed in the beef and filled the pot almost completely with water and some seasoning. Put the lid on top, set the heat for low and then waited for dinner. So friggin' easy, so amazingly delicious.

As I had mentioned earlier I had thought we were having some friends over for dinner. I get a text message from them at 10 asking what we're up to tonight and I tell her "Making corned beef and cabbage, and we were hoping you guys were joining us." We had discussed doing just this the week before but hadn't ironed out details yet, didn't seem like we needed to. She told me that she had been invited out by other people who she told she was free to. I told her that if she wants to go that's fine, but we wouldn't be invited so to let me know if she was planning on showing up to our house for dinner. This was probably a mistake of me because I wasn't fine if she didn't show up. I was actually pretty hurt. This was made all the more difficult that they were hanging out with my ex and his wife. Not that I have a problem with them anymore. Quite the opposite. The last time I saw them she was extremely nice and personable to me and I am nothing if not forgiving of people. But I do know that even though we may be on good making small talk, trading house buying and pregnancy advice, and not insulting each other anymore terms, we're not people that they'd invite out for a night on the town. My friend decided to go on the one outing there was no way we could join. After we had talked months about how much fun we had together on St. Patrick's Day and how we had to do something together this year and because I what, didn't set a time for her coming over she was bailing on me?

She asked if she was mad and of course I said no, because I'm a doormat and let people walk over me all the time. She then spent the rest of the day sending me text justifying her actions: we had just seen each other last week, she hadn't seen them in some time, she just wanted to live up some of the glory of past St. Patrick's days, etc. I knew she couldn't do that with a pregnant friend in tow. Kenny's not a drinker, I am. I can't move on the dance floor like I once could, and more importantly: I don't want to. I was excited for my crock pot dinner and potential game night. I liked thinking I wouldn't have to pay money to spend time with people at a bar where we couldn't hear each other and was full of drunk college kids and high school kids with fake id's. I was looking forward to being a grown up.

Then I started to cry. I realized something about me, about my life now. I am a grown up. The St. Patrick's Days of getting ex boyfriends to drink water after overdoing the liquor and tequila shots were over. The driving drunk friends home only to have them get lost on the way because they're too drunk to tell you where they live. The receiving of hilarious text pictures of aformetioned exboyfriends who fell into ditch puking on the way home that night. I think that's what I'll miss most of all. That was my life 5 years ago. My life now is picking out colors for the nursery. Inviting over the inlaws so all that food doesn't go to waste and then having an amazingly fun evening anyway. Having everyone rave over my ever so easy to make dinner recipe. Playing a game with my sister and brother in law at 9 pm and wondering if it's too late to start another. Cleaning up the dishes in my new remodeled kitchen and putting them in my favorite Christmas present from my parents: a new dishwasher. Having a husband who holds me in his arms as I cry out my death of youthful times and reminds me of happy times we have coming up. Yes, the dance parties of St. Patricks Day are over, but next year I'll have a new mostly Irish lad or lassie to celebrate with and we'll have all new traditions. I can't wait.

Leaving Red's

I put in my two weeks notice at Red Robin. It was pretty sad actually cause I do work with some pretty cool people there. And they were uber understanding about it all which I think made it worse. My assistant manager John said that he had to take a lot of those the past few weeks and mine was one of the hardest. It is important for me to leave while I'm still doing good and I feel that slipping lately. I haven't been motivated to work as hard there lately, and while I love the people I don't look forward to going into work like I once did. The timing just seems to make sense. While I'm done with my first trimester and I'm no longer feeling nauseous I'm not feeling extra limber either. I have a bit of a bump and my pants no longer button. Kinda a problem when you're having to wear jeans and a tucked in shirt to work. It's only going to get worse from here too. Ken's up for a new job in Morgan Hill and they're sending him an offer letter this week. With this offer will probably be a salary bump. And at very least, his commute will be shorter hence, more gas money saved.

And what will I do with my extra time, you may ask? I have a reading addiction lately, and I'm trying to be more domestic like beyond just doing laundry and dishes. Over my anniversary weekend, which I'll post more on later, I got some yarn for a baby blanket I hope to make. The only problem is I suck at crocheting. I can do straight lines and rectangles. Pretty boring baby blanket. So I got a bunch of crochet books from the library and now I need to actually figure them out. And now I'll actually have time to do that. I have 5 and a half months to get this house baby ready and I'm feeling so little motivation lately to do it. If I can even just put in an hour a day it will become much easier. Also, every Sunday will now be a day off. Woot!

When did good news become a bad thing?

For this post to make sense, you'll have to read this first ( this and this would probably be helpful too). Go ahead, read away. I'll wait here.

Ok welcome back, now that you're up to speed you're hopefully not mad that I didn't call you personally to tell you the going ons in my uterus since apparently that's how some people feel. Really, I just don't know how to tell people without it sounding like I'm bragging or I see myself as all important. And I'm not all important. I am to my family which was why I told them. But for my friends, I don't know. It's hard to slip it into conversation unless they ask. When someone tells me they're expecting I tell them congrats and ask how it's going, when they're due, if they want a boy or a girl, stuff like that. I don't give them a hard time with the "why didn't you tell me sooner?"

After I told my folks I called up both grandmothers and told them. I figured this was fine as both live on the other side of the country and would want to hear about their first and second (in Mimi's case) great grandchild. I didn't call up my aunts and uncles and cousins a) because I'm Irish and have a million of them, b) because I was still in the first trimester, am still paranoid about miscarrying, and c) didn't think they would mind if I waited a few weeks to make sure everything was ok. Why tell my grandmothers? Simply put because my mom was dying to talk about it and wanted to spread the news. My grandmother had said she wouldn't tell anyone since it was my news to spread and I figured that was good enough and I could call them a few at a time after my next check up that everything went ok with. Mom had told my aunt within a day and word spread from there. Whatever, at least everyone knows and I don't have to sound like a braggy attention whore.

Then Uncle Bob emails me a week later. "Hey Jules, we're super excited but it would be nice if you called your aunts too cause we don't want to just hear about this through your grandma and mom." Great, so now this happy little thing growing inside of me is having to share room with all the catholic guilt I'm getting. I had to explain back that it's still early in the pregnancy, I'm not ready to get excited about it (it's a month later and I'm still waiting for things to go wrong) and wanted to wait til at least three months before I let myself get excited which is hard to do if I'm going around telling people who are getting excited. Every call I make now is a call I have to make again if something goes wrong. I didn't want to make too many calls. So after a good check up last Valentine's Day I called my mom's 3 sisters and feel like I did my duty there.

We're past the first trimester now and it's not like we're keeping it a secret. We're just not seeking out people to tell them. Most people who see me regularly know though. It was hard keeping from my coworkers as I would occasionally be puking in the back due to smelling fish and chips or onion rings. Not to mention my ever growing baby bump. And most of my friends knew we were trying and asked how it was going. I would crack up over the people who said "Wow, I didn't see the post on facebook about it."

Ahh, facebook. There's a reason I'm weening off it. I get a text from a friend yesterday warning me about a comment someone made on my status about getting heartburn saying "pregnancy causes heart burn" saying I might want to delete it if we still aren't telling people about it. The person who commented on it is not someone we told we're pregnant to so it honestly just seems like speculation. And as Kenny and I have been married a year, pregnancy speculation is pretty rapid. I tell the friend that it's fine and seems like she's just fishing. The friend asks who we're telling, I answer anyone who asks. She tells me how she's making a special effort to tell all close friends about her pregnancy so they're not hurt if they hear it through the grapevine. She then threw in she didn't think she and her husband could be the kind of people who were only friends with other parents. I don't know where she was going with that because I fail to see how the two concepts are related. I can't imagine anyone thinking just because we haven't called them up specifically to tell them about something that is only going to affect Ken and I and our immediate family and not even for another 6 months would warrant a end of friendship. Am I wrong in that? Cause if so I'm quite delusional as to how the adult world works.

Reading fever

So I not only read the second book of the Hunger Games trilogy, I read the third one too. I now consider myself a fan of the series and I'm certainly planning on seeing the movie in a month. I have already let my hopes get high on it being good which can only mean I'm in for disappointment. Oh well.

I considered doing a review of them both but I think it would have been better if I wrote the review for second book before I read the third, and after I read the second book I couldn't wait to get my hands on the third so that didn't happen. Also it would have contained spoilers for the other books and they're good books and you should read them. If only so I can gush about how in love I am with Peeta.

This whole thing has sparked my love of reading again. I put 7 books on hold at the library. 5 of them came in at once. And I have 0 days off this week. I'm gonna try starting one or two and probably send the rest back. Or hopefully the one or two I start I won't like so I can get rid of those and move onto others. Or  maybe I'll read them and love them and power through all 5 in a week. Most likely not, but it would still be a better use of my time than old simpson reruns.

Hungry for Happiness

So I finished my first book of the year: The Hunger Games. I include spoilers below but I'll warn before I spoil. I choose this book a) cause everyone and their cousin has read it and told me to read it, and b) because the movie's coming out soon and I have a feeling it will be good. I purposefully waited til after I read the first book to watch the trailer or see the cast (though I did know the two main characters before I read it) and I am excited. Very excited. I wouldn't have cast the lead the same, but I'm fairly confident that she'll do a good job. The lead male is just perfect and I could picture him as Peeta the entire book. The other castings are perfect too, much better than I would have done if I had that task. I'm quite excited. Anyways, this book review seems more like a movie analysis which I'll save for after I see the movie in March. Back to the book:

The story: I liked it. I didn't love it but I liked it. I can agree that it's a really interesting, albeit terrifying premise which was carried out in a believable (if that's the right word) way. In a nutshell the book is about a future dystopia where after the ice caps melt (they don't say this but imply it), and the world has been destroyed by plagues, war, poverty and numerous disasters which were probably mostly man made, there's only 12 districts left in America and a single powerful central government called the Capitol. Due to a failed uprising, the Capitol has decided to once a year take one boy and one girl from each district and pit them against each other in a fight for the death for their amusement and to show that they are the big power. Heroine Katniss is from the poorest district and not expected to last long, but yet she ends up showing much promise when there. Along the way she meets some interesting characters and adventures ensue.

What I liked: It is an interesting concept that I could potential see happening, not anytime soon mind you, but in those conditions it was believable. How someone from such a bad place could do so well is also very believable as you get to learn more about her. She has such anger at the Capitol and you really feel for how unfair and awful her situation is. There are a lot of great characters who I really want to learn more about and can only guess you do in the sequels. There's the previous winner from District 12 Haymitch who is always in a drunken stupor. The fantastic new designer Cinna who you can tell is trying to make a change for the better. My favorite by far though is Peeta, the boy from her district. He seems so honest and real and my god I'm in love with him. It's probably because of this that I can't say I love the book(see Spoilers below if so inclined).

What I didn't like: Katniss is the emotional anti me. She's a hunter and a fighter and therefore doesn't let herself feel to much. It's because of this that I could never relate to her. I do understand it, and I'm not saying she's a robot, cause she's not. She does care for her family and others she comes across but she's not warm and loving and she pisses me off. It's also a horribly depressing book. It's about kids being forced to fight to the death. So the only way they win is if everyone else dies. Including the people from the same district. Katniss and Peeta begin their training together and as they get closer they both have to remember they will need to kill each other in the ring. How awful is that? It took a lot of plot twists and forcing myself to finish the book and once I did, I didn't feel compelled to keep reading the sequels, even though I will give it my best shot.

Stop reading here if you want to be surprised by the book or movie.

Superbore

Well it was Superbowl again last weekend and like I felt back in 2008, either team to win, I lose. I hate the Patriots since 2004 And even more than I hate the pat, I hate Brady. I've explained why in the past. I'm an eagle's fan so I can not root for the NY Giants. Goes against my programing. Which is a shame, cause Manning's a good quarterback and were he on any other team I'd like him. Still, this year unlike in 2008, the Giants did not deserve to be there. If all the other teams in the NFC East didn't suck major balls, they would not have been there. The fact that they made it through playoffs was just a series of flukes. It should have been the 49ers. They worked for it. They wanted it. They earned it. Who gets to go? The stupid giants. They did not earn it. Even worse than them making it to Superbowl was them winning Superbowl. Just a terrible terrible game.

Usually for years there's such a horrible game, the commercials make up for it. This year was lacking. I chuckled at one or two, but not even enough to go and find a clip of them to post on here. So how much could I have really liked them? Halftime show was fine. Madonna, as much as I don't care for her, was damn impressive for a 50 year old woman. Obviously lip syncing but I don't have problem with that for events that big. Even still, didn't like most of her song choices, but at least I recognized them.

The saving graces for Sunday were that I got the day off from work and I got to spend it with my family. I had breakfast with my mom and brother and then the in laws came over to watch the game. My sister and brother-in-law stayed over longer for a game night which was lots fun and is becoming a weekly thing. So overall, a boring game, but a good day. And now I can focus my attention more on hockey.

Spreading the News

*There were two entries from Christmas and the day after that I had written that you may want to read first, to at least have this one make sense. I feel somewhat confident that this is safe to post now, mostly because I think I only have one reader. I guess time will tell to see if I have more.



We had our doctor's visit and got to see the little thing growing inside me. Doesn't look like much beyond a peanut right now, but it has a heartbeat which the doctor said drops the chance of miscarriage to below 10% so yay, looks like we're really having a kid and I can get excited. August 27th is the due date though she said it will probably be after that. It gives us 7 more months to prep the house for him or her. From this point on I'm gonna refer to the little one as Pooh Bear just cause it's easy and fun. We went from the doctor's office to tell Ken's folks. They were quite excited, especially Ken's dad who's been pushing for a baby since before the wedding. Ken's mom is already planning baby projects she can sew or knit up.

Saturday we told my parents. As mom's birthday's on the 26th I asked her if she was planning on taking a trip for it this year. She said no, and then asked if there was something she should be around for with a smile. I told her yes and she gave me a big hug and rushed off to the other room. Danny was confused and asked what was going on and I asked if he wanted to see pictures we had taken this last week and showed him the sonogram ones. Mom came out with a baby blanket she had bought when she thought this announcement might be coming. Dan then spoke up with a "Wait, you're pregnant?" Dad said nothing but cried and gave me a hug. I don't think he's come to terms with the fact that I'm moved out, married, and not 12 so this has hit him pretty hard. I'm really excited that my mom figured it out before I told her, it's nice to know that with all my problems with her at the end of the day she is my mommy and she does know me.

Sunday we had Ken's family over to watch the football game and tell his sisters and grandma. Ken's older sister was supposed to have a baby last December and it just didn't make it. I was super scared about telling her. Still when Ken told her she was going to be an aunt a smile spread across her face and she gave me a big hug and asked if she could plan the shower. I am truly lucky to have such an amazing family. Apparently she's been suspecting it since Christmas which is amazing since we only knew since Christmas. I guess she knew the signs to look for though.

Now the pressures on to make sure little Pooh Bear stays in there and stays healthy. I'm doing my best and gotta leave the rest up to god, faith, karma, the universe, what have you. Now's also the time to figure out who's reading my blog without me knowing ;-)

Bandwagon

Well boys and girls it's that wonderful time of year when pretzels and pigs in a blanket are abundant and the beer flows free: Football Playoffs. This year my beloved Eagles didn't even come close to making it there, which is actually pretty rare of them. 2004 they made it to super bowl where they lost to Tom Brady and the Patriots. Being a sore loser I made an oath to always hate Brady and everything he did, which was made all the easier when the things he did included dumping his mega hot pregnant girlfriend  Bridget Moynahan for an arguably hotter Gisele Bündchen. In fairness to Brady, he probably didn't know she was pregnant when he dumped Moynahan, but he was dating Bundchen close enough after having unprotected sex with Moynahan that she discovered she was pregnant with his kid. That's pretty crappy. Hatred renewed. One thing I don't hate is this picture:

Anyways, Eagles haven't been back to super bowl since, but they've been wildcards and champs a few times since. So as I have said in post past, I am not a baseball fan but a Phillies fan. I am not a hockey fan, but a Sharks fan. I am however a football fan. I can watch non Eagles games with much interest and have watched every super bowl game since 2004. With my Eagles out of the running, I looked for a new team to root for. Obviously, I'm not going to be rooting for Brady and his team. I'm not going to be rooting for the New York Giants, who really shouldn't have made it into the running. I've got nothing against Eli Manning, in fact, were he playing for any other team I would gladly root for him. But the Giants are a NFC east team. That'd be like rooting for Dallas Stars. Ain't gonna happen.

A team that is playing well this year, and is right in my backyard is the San Francisco 49ers. Perfect, right? Nope, apparently not. Apparently because I wasn't rooting for them all season long I'm not allowed to root for them now. Believe me, bandwagoners annoy me like no other, but during a time when my team ain't playing, I don't see what the harm is for rooting for another that I would only root against when up they were up against my Eagles. I've been given a hard time about rooting for them by some. I'm not saying I'm trading in my Eagles jersey for a Niner one, but I feel like I should be allowed to hope they make it to Super Bowl. Either way, I'm super proud of all they've done this season. Saturday's game was one of the best I've seen and you could tell the Niners wanted it more. Saint's are a solid team and Brees is a really terrific QB, and the 49ers pulled it off. It's going to be very easy to root for them next weekend against the Giants. Hopefully I don't piss off too many true fans.

Fun Fact Friday

1. I am only posting this today because it's Friday, I wanted to blog and couldn't blog about what I really want to yet. Should tide me over for a few days.

2. I am a terrible home keeper. I'm very messy, I don't like cleaning, not a fantastic cook. This is gonna suck for Kenny.

3. February's my least favorite month. I don't like Valentine's Day, it's cold, it's just a boring month. Luckily, it's also the shortest.

4. I am not a baseball or hockey fan. This was pointed out to me by a coworker when after the Phillies were out of the playoffs last year I considered baseball season over. "Oh, so you're a Phillies fan, not a baseball fan then." It was such a cool epiphany. I couldn't tell you who won the Stanley Cup last year either as when the Sharks are out of it, I place my attention on baseball. Football I will follow through til the end though, and thus I feel confident saying I'm a football fan.

5. As much as I love Philadelphia, I would never want to move back there. I hate living in the city, and California weather kinda kicks ass. Looks like you're stuck with me out here.

Tabula Rosa

Happy 2012 everyone. Mine's off to an ok start. I didn't have a rocking new years eve but I'm kinda ok with that. Frankly I would have been happy just watching the east coast ball drop and being asleep by 10. We had a few people over though so I had to attempt to be social. We played Apples to Apples for way too long and then watched a decent movie called "Tucker and Dale vs Evil" which is essentially a movie like "The Hills Have Eyes" as told by the hillbillies. Very gory but very funny. Still very different from New Years in years past. I didn't even drink this time, which I think is the first new years since I was 16 which that was the case? Yay maturity I suppose.

2011 was a really fantastic year for me though. I got married, moved into our first house, had some kick ass trips (mostly Disney ones). I was a bit sad to see it go. This is a new year though and I have a new start to making myself even better. So here are my ever so clique New Years Resolutions:

1. Facebook less. I've been gradually phasing off facebook. I only update my status maybe once a week, but I still check it several times a day. I've promised Ken no long to be on facebook when he's around which I think will help. The fact of the matter is if I need to connect to people I should give them a call and meet up for lunch. Just seeing pictures of the food they're having for dinner or their complaints about the check out lady at Target doesn't count as keeping in touch. I'm not going to delete it all together though cause a. It's a nice easy way to see adorable pictures of my cousin's baby, and all my east coast family, and b. I'm fairly sure a good amount of people wouldn't know how to get in touch with me without it.

2. Blog more. It's very therapeutic to write out what I'm feeling and what's going on and think that only Pat's reading it. I might have other secret readers, but I don't know that. I do still feel the need to connect but it doesn't feel as, what's the word, attention grabby? if I post here vs facebook. If you're reading my blog you came to learn more about me. I'll try not to disappoint.

3. Stop wasting time on people not deserving of it so I can focus my attention on those that do. Like I've said in recent blogs, I've lost a bunch of friends lately. These weren't all big blow up drag outs where we throw out our friendship bracelets. They were more of a slow drifting and I'm hearby making the decision which I want to drift back and which ones I'll send off to sea. I'm not the same girl I was in high school, I'm tired of being treated like it. In fact, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman, a grown woman who has a house and will be starting a family soon. Why should I let "friends" tease me, make me feel like I'm not good enough? I am good enough damn it. I just don't fit what you want. And you know what? If I'm not what you want than this is probably good for both of us that we won't have to spend time together. I'll probably bitch more on this later as old habits die hard, but I already feel more calm knowing I get to choose the people I spend my free time with.

4. Typical eat healthier, exercise more, blah blah blah. No need to comment on this more.

5. Eat at home more. We have a beautiful kitchen. It's silly to not use it. While Morgan Hill has many fantastic restaurants (ohh, good topic for a later blog), the best meal is the one you make yourself. Plus yay for saving money! Eating out shall be reserved for special occasions or going out with friends. For me and Ken, it's cookbook time!

That's about it. There's plenty more I'd like to do but these will be my focus. Good luck on all yours!