And baby makes 3...

Well, here I am, blogging for the first time as a mom. Still weird to think of myself as that. I know I have a baby, I know she'll call me mom someday, but yeah, I am now a mom in society. That's weird. Since she's deep in napping mode, I can reflect a little on how she came into our life. This is going to be long, and this is mostly for me so I can remember it while it's still mostly fresh in my mind.

I was due to have her August 27th (or 28th depending on which doctor you wanted to listen to). Towards the last few weeks of my pregnancy my doctor told me that I was most likely not going to make it to then. In fact around August 13th she told me I was not likely to go another week. This was quite a surprise to me as I had always assumed that I would go past my due date, both because it's common for first time mothers  and because I myself arrived 10 days late. I even had my last day of work as the 25th since I didn't want to waste my maternity leave on sitting around the house waiting to pop.

Another week went by and I didn't give birth, but I did start to have massive amounts of Braxton Hicks contractions. To those of you who don't know BHCs are "practice" contractions where you're not in labor, it just feels like you could be. They are irregular and are just the body preparing for labor. They are one of god's cruel jokes since each time you have one you stop and think, "oh my god, this is it, right? This is it! Should I call someone? Should I- oh wait, no, they're not regular and now they're gone. False alarm." which isn't awful but it happens like 4 times a day. At my check up that week I was told I was a few cms dilated but that's also pretty common before labor and doesn't mean anything. Due to Kenny's worry of me driving (something I still don't understand) and my doctor's insistence that I could go into labor at any time, I reluctantly called into work and said I would need to start my maternity leave a few days early. I only had a Friday and Saturday shift left but it really calmed Kenny having me done.

Thursday night a friend of Kenny's was visiting her folks with her two sons and we went over to visit and I basically got to grill her for 2 hours on labor, newborns, being a mom. Her older son was interested in me being pregnant since he just went through it with his mom. He talked to my belly and I told him hopefully the baby would be out within the next week so he could meet him or her. Afterwards, Ken and I headed over for dinner with my folks and my visiting uncle in my dad's favorite bar. Not the most family friendly bar in town but they do have good food there. I ordered some fries with nacho cheese and my uncle jokingly suggested adding hot sauce to help induce. I had been trying hot food for the past few weeks trying to get things going to no avil, but saw no harm in trying once more. We made plans to meet for breakfast the following morning as he was only in town for the day. Before going to bed that night I noticed a slight dampening but didn't think much of it.

Friday morning I was still damp and I started to wonder if maybe my water bag was leaking. I had heard that this could happen and water breaking wasn't always a big gush. I called into the hospital and asked them about it and told them I wasn't sure if that's what it was or if I was just sweating since it was a very hot summer. They asked me to come in to get checked out and Ken took the morning off work to come with me. I had to call my uncle and postpone breakfast and tell him that it was probably nothing and we agreed to meet for lunch instead. Ken and I grabbed our hospital bag and took one last pregnancy picture just in case and headed up to San Jose. I kept telling myself this was probably a false alarm and we'd be heading back home in an hour and asked Kenny to put up with me being sad if this wasn't it yet. I apologized in advance to the doctors and nurses that I was probably worrying over nothing and wasting their time. They checked and confirmed that my water had indeed broken, I was officially in labor.

I was checked into the hospital and we made all the phone calls we needed to. My mom said she was going to be coming over after work and my dad said he'd be there when he was needed. Thanks to facebook and chatty moms I was getting texts from numerous friends asking how the labor was going and if baby was here yet. Ken and I placed our final bets on what we thought we were having. Both of us agreed it was going to be a girl. My uncle and brother stopped by to say hi and my mom ended up coming in by lunch. She had wanted to be there for as much as it as possible but I had told her for the actual pushing I wanted it to be just me and Ken and warned her that it might be boring the rest of the time. They asked if we knew names and we said it was going to be Theodore Patrick if it was going to be a boy and something Aurora if a girl, we'd have to see what she looked like first.

My birth plan had always been spend as much time at home as possible, sleep and eat as much as I could and only go to the hospital right before hard labor. This plan was now shot to hell. Once the water breaks, you're supposed to deliver within 24 hours to help fend off infection. My water started to break at 10 pm the night before. Contractions were not happening regular or quickly enough which meant they would need to give me pitocin. Pitocin helps bring on labor but it makes the contractions much more intense. I had wanted a natural childbirth with no pain medication so this was going to be tough. By late afternoon they had to give me pitocin since it was going to be 24 hours. Dad called and asked if he should come by. Thinking he was just stopping by to say hi like my brother and uncle I had said yes. He apparently meant to stay the whole time. I felt awful since I knew it was still a long way to go.

The pitocin started kicking in and the bad contractions were starting. So very very painful. Each one Kenny was there for me with, helping me through it, reminding me to breath, focusing me on other things. Between these I was needing to go to the bathroom which was tough due to having an iv in and being attached to fetal monitoring machine and still trying to keep myself looking composed enough for my clearly uncomfortable father. Contractions were getting worse and worse and I could no longer hide the pain from a worried Kenny. I began to just cry out with each one and yell at my mom for suggesting pain medications between them. This was just the worse of it, it was transition, it'd be time to push soon since I really really wanted to push. The doctor came in to check me and warned me that she thought it was too soon to be ready to push, that she didn't think that much progress would be made, and it was dangerous to check me too often since my water already broke. I was sure I was at least 7 cms, I had to be very close to pushing time. My heart sank as she told me I was now at 3 cm.

Hours more of painful contractions went on, my mom, dad and husband all in uncomfy chairs watching me in pain and stubbornly telling the nurses I didn't want anything for it. I had come this far without anything. I had to be getting close. I began throwing up everything in my stomach between contractions so I couldn't even rest during the lulls. At 4 am on Saturday morning I agreed to take something to help take the edge off. It at least wasn't an epidural. This took my pain level from a 10 to a 7. It only lasted about 45 minutes and I wasn't able to take more for 2 hours. I was checked again. I was up to 5 cm. Not the 10 I needed. I was not going to make it. I looked at Kenny and asked him if he thought I should get the epidural. He told me it had to be my decision. I didn't want to disappoint my friend Sherry who had trained me on natural childbirth. I realized that this was the only reason I wasn't getting it anymore. I didn't care about bragging rights anymore. I wasn't worried about it slowing down labor. I had been in labor for 29 hours already, how much slower could it be? I agreed to get the epidural. I saw a wave of relief hit my parents and husband's face.

I cried the whole time through, though not because it hurt. I felt as though I had failed. The nurse we had on was so sweet and told me how hard I had worked and how the best thing for my baby was to make sure I was well enough to bring him or her into the world. Soon it felt as if my lower torso was underwater and I couldn't feel anything that was underwater. I had a contraction and could not even feel it. Once I told this to Kenny he almost instantly feel asleep after having been up for 22 hours straight. I was able to rest a bit, things were cheery. People were more optimistic as the sun was coming up. They gave me an oxygen mask and told me to take deep breaths with it so the baby heart rate wouldn't go down to much. I hated it and took it off every chance I could. At around 11 am the doctor checked and confirmed I was at 10 cms and asked if I wanted to try pushing.

Dad left the room but mom stayed. While I had wanted it to be just Kenny and me, I didn't have the heart to send her from the room. I couldn't feel one of my legs so getting in a squatting position was out of the question. I had my mom lift on one leg, a nurse at the other, the midwife ready to deliver. Ken was right at my back and helped move me forward when it was time to push and help me move back down when it wasn't. He kissed my forehead and told me he was proud. After what seemed like no time the doctor told me she could see baby's hair. I asked the color and she said brown. My baby has brown hair. That was something I new about him or her. More pushing, and I could feel pressure but not much pain. I was always sad to hear the head wasn't crowning yet tough. It felt like the head should be crowning. My mom talked to one the nurses between contractions about the differences in hospitals compared to when she was nursing. The nurse was interested and at times I wanted to remind them there was a baby coming out of me, and maybe they could chat later. The actual doctor came in and told me mid pushing that they could no longer get a read on the baby's heart rate due to how much I was moving so they were going to attach a monitor to the head. I wanted to protest but wasn't given the option to. She attached it and left the room. I didn't like her much.

After an hour or so the baby was crowning and I could feel it. I pushed with all my might and had a room full of supportive people telling me how great I was doing. I pushed out the head, I knew I could push the rest out with the next one. The body felt like it flew right out and I suddenly had this slimy wriggling thing on my chest. It was the oddest sensation. I didn't think "Oh my baby is on me." it was more like the feeling of a warm slimy octopus squirming on me. I had to tell myself, that's a baby. No, that's my baby. I made that. And I pushed it out. It's mine. I then realized I heard crying.  That's my baby's cry. That's what they sound like. The midwife reminded Ken that he could announce what the sex was. "It's a girl!" he said proudly. One of the nurses asked what her name was and I looked down and said I didn't know yet, I'd need some time with her first. I looked at Kenny and he had tears in his eyes, and a smile as big as the one I saw on our wedding day. Mom and one of the other nurses were also tearing up. Then I felt something strange on my lower stomach. "Oh, there's her first poop!" the midwife told me. I laughed, the first thing my daughter did coming into this world was poop on her mom. Once the cord stopped pulsing it was clamped and Ken cut it. The midwife stitched up my small tear and Ken and I were left to be by ourselves with our baby. She latched on and started nursing right away and it was time to talk names.


I apologized to Ken and said she didn't look like an Alice which was his favorite name. I also said she didn't look like a Lillian which was my favorite. She wasn't a Kaylee. She wasn't a Margaret. It came down between Coraline and Clarissa. Ken told me since I did all the work I got the final choice. I went back and forth with it. I thought Clarissa was just a little more her. The nurses came in to get her measurements and dress her.

 

Mom and Dad came in and asked if there was a name yet, I said we were pretty sure it was going to be Clarissa Aurora. More relief came over my mom as she told me she really liked that name. I guess my other name ideas were worrisome for her. I was brought a turkey sandwich for lunch which was nice since I haven't had lunch meats my entire pregnancy. We got moved down the hall for my recovery room which was much bigger and with a private bathroom and two tvs. It was the life of luxury. I checked my phone and was a little annoyed that my mom had already posted my daughter's name on facebook and hoped Ken's parents weren't too mad as when we talked to them we hadn't decided on a name yet. I also wasn't sure Clarissa was her name. I looked down at her and asked "Is your name Clarissa little girl?" when I saw for the very first time a smile. I know it was just a facial tick, but I still took it as a sign. And years from now when she asks why we landed on that name I can tell her that it was the first one she smiled at.

July update

Well I haven't blogged as much as I was planning on, this time I actually have an excuse though. Our house got broken into and my laptop was taken. Now I'm at the mercy of times Kenny's not on the computer in order to get in all my facebook/pintrest/etsy/blogging/superficial etc. time in. I considered writing a big long blog about how much getting robbed sucks (and it does, seriously, it happening to me for the 3rd time wasn't any easier), but it's just too depressing and I spent the last week getting over that shit. Bottom line is I'm safe, Kenny's safe, and our three kitties are safe. The didn't take anything from Pooh Bear's room and we have home owner's insurance. All the jewelry they took from my jewelry box were not nearly as prized as my necklace from Kenny (which I wear everyday because it is my favorite necklace ever) and my wedding rings (which I wear everyday because they are my favorite rings ever). I am also thankful that I just backed up my wedding pictures on our external, my fingers haven't swollen to the point where I couldn't wear my rings, and they didn't find our gun. Woot! No more tears over something that's happened and can't be changed. Just hope Karma does her thing.

In other news, 5 more weeks til Pooh Bear's here which means 5 more weeks of work til December, woot! Let's see if I crack and head back to work early due to cabin fever. I'm hoping having a baby will make the house seem new and everyday different. I don't know if I could last as a stay at home mom, but it will be fun to give it a test drive. I finished Pooh Bear's blanket which looks pretty darned adorable if I do say so myself (I do), it's gotten me back into the crafting spirit. I've already started knitting yet another scarf that I think will be fun to do for a few weeks until I get distracted by something shiny. If I were smarter than I would start up a cross stitch since that will be a lot harder to do with a youngster about. We'll see what I feel up to later. Maybe that's something I can do the week I'm off work before my baby shows up 10 days late cause that's what I'm betting is going to happen.

On the friend front I'm pretty much failing at life. I don't have the energy to make plans with people anymore so really I just wait til they seek me out. The problem is they seem to seek me out every other Saturday and every other Saturday I work. I've missed a baby shower, bridal shower and a wine limo tour birthday party because of it (that last one hasn't happened yet, but it's planned for my working Saturday). I don't know how much fun I'd really be at these things anyways since I can't drink, I'm constantly tired, and pregnant women tend to be attention getters. I understand those women who are constantly pregnant now since everywhere I go I get the "oh you look so adorable! When are you due? Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet?" Even me, the queen of look at me, am beginning to bore of it. But yeah, very impressed that people are still willing to go out in public with me. I actually don't have too many friends I would think of calling up to hang out with regardless. My red robin girls are fantastic and I love them, but nights out with them are always in bars, hookah and otherwise. They feel guilty drinking in front of me, which is silly cause I honestly don't crave alcohol at all. Hookah, yeah, I have to bow out of. But I can still go to a bar and get a cranberry juice. If only they let me. They don't invite me out anymore but I know once the baby gets here they'll be over all the time so I can take comfort in that. My high school friends I've been pulling back from for some time, due to some drama I just don't have the energy to get into right now. My old drama club friends pretty much just get together for weddings etc. The next wedding that's coming up is right after Pooh Bear's here so I'm having to miss it, which sucks cause I know it will be an epically fun and beautiful wedding. Welcome to parenthood I guess. The bright side is I do have a friend with kids, and I actually get to see her tomorrow. My sister in law is pregnant so she'll be in the same boat as me and we're family so she has to spend time with me. And my other close friend that doesn't live in LA or Fresno (who both call me from time to time and hang out with me whenever they're in town) I work with and she's actually been really awesome at planning nights out with our husbands. I think I'll be ok, just not as busy as Julie 3 or 4 years ago.

What it comes down to though is that I am happy in life, my life, however quaint it may be. Things are quiet right now but it is going to get pretty exciting pretty fast here. I'll try to keep up with the blogging for my two readers, but be understanding if I flake out.

The last 100 days

Pooh Bear is due in 100 days. He or she could be a bit late, or he or she could show up early. Either way, there's a very real possibility that I could be holding my child 3 months from now. That's, like, so soon. Really really really soon. I wouldn't say I'm freaking out exactly, it's just all becoming way more real. Pooh Bear is a mover and shaker, gets the hiccups daily, doesn't like Indian or Mexican food, kicks when I play Tchaikovsky or when Kenny talks to my belly. He or she already has a personality already. I'm so excited to meet my little one but at the same time I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

I'm just not sure what to do. We haven't finished up the nursery yet, but there's nothing I can do with that since it involves heavy lifting which I'm not allowed to do. We haven't picked out a girl's name which I take full responsibility for since I hate every single girl name. I've been taking the birthing classes which have been great, I've been exercising, eating right and finally put on some weight after 5 months of trying. I just still feel like I'm playing a waiting game and there's gotta be more that I can do. I'm just not sure what that more is.

Rather than focus on the negative though I'm going to focus on what I got going for us right now. We already have the crib bought, the changing table was bought for us already as well. The nursery is just a weekend away from being completed. We have a fantastic boy name picked out. Pooh Bear's looking healthy at all appointments and besides two little worry points, I've had a very healthy pregnancy. I really feel empowered with the whole giving birth thing. And most importantly this baby is already so loved by us and the family. These last 100 days will fly by and in the mean while I'll enjoy the last days Kenny and I will have as a twosome. He's even been spending more time with me than with Diabalo 3, and if that ain't love, I don't know what is.

Leaving Red's

I put in my two weeks notice at Red Robin. It was pretty sad actually cause I do work with some pretty cool people there. And they were uber understanding about it all which I think made it worse. My assistant manager John said that he had to take a lot of those the past few weeks and mine was one of the hardest. It is important for me to leave while I'm still doing good and I feel that slipping lately. I haven't been motivated to work as hard there lately, and while I love the people I don't look forward to going into work like I once did. The timing just seems to make sense. While I'm done with my first trimester and I'm no longer feeling nauseous I'm not feeling extra limber either. I have a bit of a bump and my pants no longer button. Kinda a problem when you're having to wear jeans and a tucked in shirt to work. It's only going to get worse from here too. Ken's up for a new job in Morgan Hill and they're sending him an offer letter this week. With this offer will probably be a salary bump. And at very least, his commute will be shorter hence, more gas money saved.

And what will I do with my extra time, you may ask? I have a reading addiction lately, and I'm trying to be more domestic like beyond just doing laundry and dishes. Over my anniversary weekend, which I'll post more on later, I got some yarn for a baby blanket I hope to make. The only problem is I suck at crocheting. I can do straight lines and rectangles. Pretty boring baby blanket. So I got a bunch of crochet books from the library and now I need to actually figure them out. And now I'll actually have time to do that. I have 5 and a half months to get this house baby ready and I'm feeling so little motivation lately to do it. If I can even just put in an hour a day it will become much easier. Also, every Sunday will now be a day off. Woot!

When did good news become a bad thing?

For this post to make sense, you'll have to read this first ( this and this would probably be helpful too). Go ahead, read away. I'll wait here.

Ok welcome back, now that you're up to speed you're hopefully not mad that I didn't call you personally to tell you the going ons in my uterus since apparently that's how some people feel. Really, I just don't know how to tell people without it sounding like I'm bragging or I see myself as all important. And I'm not all important. I am to my family which was why I told them. But for my friends, I don't know. It's hard to slip it into conversation unless they ask. When someone tells me they're expecting I tell them congrats and ask how it's going, when they're due, if they want a boy or a girl, stuff like that. I don't give them a hard time with the "why didn't you tell me sooner?"

After I told my folks I called up both grandmothers and told them. I figured this was fine as both live on the other side of the country and would want to hear about their first and second (in Mimi's case) great grandchild. I didn't call up my aunts and uncles and cousins a) because I'm Irish and have a million of them, b) because I was still in the first trimester, am still paranoid about miscarrying, and c) didn't think they would mind if I waited a few weeks to make sure everything was ok. Why tell my grandmothers? Simply put because my mom was dying to talk about it and wanted to spread the news. My grandmother had said she wouldn't tell anyone since it was my news to spread and I figured that was good enough and I could call them a few at a time after my next check up that everything went ok with. Mom had told my aunt within a day and word spread from there. Whatever, at least everyone knows and I don't have to sound like a braggy attention whore.

Then Uncle Bob emails me a week later. "Hey Jules, we're super excited but it would be nice if you called your aunts too cause we don't want to just hear about this through your grandma and mom." Great, so now this happy little thing growing inside of me is having to share room with all the catholic guilt I'm getting. I had to explain back that it's still early in the pregnancy, I'm not ready to get excited about it (it's a month later and I'm still waiting for things to go wrong) and wanted to wait til at least three months before I let myself get excited which is hard to do if I'm going around telling people who are getting excited. Every call I make now is a call I have to make again if something goes wrong. I didn't want to make too many calls. So after a good check up last Valentine's Day I called my mom's 3 sisters and feel like I did my duty there.

We're past the first trimester now and it's not like we're keeping it a secret. We're just not seeking out people to tell them. Most people who see me regularly know though. It was hard keeping from my coworkers as I would occasionally be puking in the back due to smelling fish and chips or onion rings. Not to mention my ever growing baby bump. And most of my friends knew we were trying and asked how it was going. I would crack up over the people who said "Wow, I didn't see the post on facebook about it."

Ahh, facebook. There's a reason I'm weening off it. I get a text from a friend yesterday warning me about a comment someone made on my status about getting heartburn saying "pregnancy causes heart burn" saying I might want to delete it if we still aren't telling people about it. The person who commented on it is not someone we told we're pregnant to so it honestly just seems like speculation. And as Kenny and I have been married a year, pregnancy speculation is pretty rapid. I tell the friend that it's fine and seems like she's just fishing. The friend asks who we're telling, I answer anyone who asks. She tells me how she's making a special effort to tell all close friends about her pregnancy so they're not hurt if they hear it through the grapevine. She then threw in she didn't think she and her husband could be the kind of people who were only friends with other parents. I don't know where she was going with that because I fail to see how the two concepts are related. I can't imagine anyone thinking just because we haven't called them up specifically to tell them about something that is only going to affect Ken and I and our immediate family and not even for another 6 months would warrant a end of friendship. Am I wrong in that? Cause if so I'm quite delusional as to how the adult world works.

Spreading the News

*There were two entries from Christmas and the day after that I had written that you may want to read first, to at least have this one make sense. I feel somewhat confident that this is safe to post now, mostly because I think I only have one reader. I guess time will tell to see if I have more.



We had our doctor's visit and got to see the little thing growing inside me. Doesn't look like much beyond a peanut right now, but it has a heartbeat which the doctor said drops the chance of miscarriage to below 10% so yay, looks like we're really having a kid and I can get excited. August 27th is the due date though she said it will probably be after that. It gives us 7 more months to prep the house for him or her. From this point on I'm gonna refer to the little one as Pooh Bear just cause it's easy and fun. We went from the doctor's office to tell Ken's folks. They were quite excited, especially Ken's dad who's been pushing for a baby since before the wedding. Ken's mom is already planning baby projects she can sew or knit up.

Saturday we told my parents. As mom's birthday's on the 26th I asked her if she was planning on taking a trip for it this year. She said no, and then asked if there was something she should be around for with a smile. I told her yes and she gave me a big hug and rushed off to the other room. Danny was confused and asked what was going on and I asked if he wanted to see pictures we had taken this last week and showed him the sonogram ones. Mom came out with a baby blanket she had bought when she thought this announcement might be coming. Dan then spoke up with a "Wait, you're pregnant?" Dad said nothing but cried and gave me a hug. I don't think he's come to terms with the fact that I'm moved out, married, and not 12 so this has hit him pretty hard. I'm really excited that my mom figured it out before I told her, it's nice to know that with all my problems with her at the end of the day she is my mommy and she does know me.

Sunday we had Ken's family over to watch the football game and tell his sisters and grandma. Ken's older sister was supposed to have a baby last December and it just didn't make it. I was super scared about telling her. Still when Ken told her she was going to be an aunt a smile spread across her face and she gave me a big hug and asked if she could plan the shower. I am truly lucky to have such an amazing family. Apparently she's been suspecting it since Christmas which is amazing since we only knew since Christmas. I guess she knew the signs to look for though.

Now the pressures on to make sure little Pooh Bear stays in there and stays healthy. I'm doing my best and gotta leave the rest up to god, faith, karma, the universe, what have you. Now's also the time to figure out who's reading my blog without me knowing ;-)

Merry Christmas

Another belated post written on the 26th. Christmas morning I woke up at 6:30 too excited to go back to sleep. I found a bunch of pregnancy websites because I have so many questions. I read all the books on how to conceive but none for what to do once I got here. Did you know my baby is the size of a poppy seed right now? I'm kinda amazed that it's big enough to see at all. That is if those tests I took yesterday are even accurate. I did buy them from the dollar store (which according to my research is just fine, but still...) Ken woke up finally at 9 and said good morning to me and good morning to our baby. I told him I'm still not getting excited til I know for sure it's in there.

We headed over to his sister's where we were greeted with "There's a fresh pot of coffee!" Damn it. "Hey Les, do you have any decaff tea?" Ken asks his sister. It seemed blantenly obvious that I must be pregnant cause why else would I turn down delicious coffee for crappy decaffeinated tea. Luckily, I'm just paranoid cause no one seemed to notice and also offered me a mimosa. I made mine myself when no one was looking and may have "forgotten" to put in the champagne.

As we started unwrapping presents, my sister in law put my mimosa on a table and told me that she would remember which was mine. A few presents in I notice in horror that her husband continued to drink from my orange juice mistaking it for his mimosa. Crap, the jig is up, everyone will know. When Leslie noticed this she yelled at Nathan for drinking mine and handed me his. Ken ran interference and said he'd hold my drink while I opened gifts. I'm still super paranoid that Nathan knows since he has now gotten to the bottom of my mimosa and has yet to taste the champagne, but being that he's been through the whole miscarriage thing I think that if he did figure it out, he would have stayed mum about it.

At my parents it wasn't any easier, especially since my parents are huge drinkers. Dad had bought blue moon for me and there were two bottles of red wine on the table for dinner. Also on the table for dinner: crab cakes. Are they safe to eat? Kenny had told me on our way over that it was going to be tough on me not having crab. And there's no way to find out cause I'm at the dinner table and Dad put one on my plate. I had very tiny bites and but my focus on the peas, steak and potatoes. I poured myself a small glass of wine and put it between Kenny and I. It was just enough wine that people wouldn't be offering me more but not too much that Kenny couldn't gulp down once the bottles were empty and we didn't need to worry that it would get refilled. The thing I love about Kenny is he knows exactly what I was doing and he did it perfectly. I love our psychic connections. We somehow made it out ok and I found out when I got home that not only can I eat crab cakes, but it's high in folic acid which is what my baby needs. Oh well. I'll know for the next time I'm secretly pregnant.

Christmas Eve Surprise

So I think this is going to be a long line of super quiet blogging I do and don't post publicly til much later. This will most likely be posted in March or something. I can assure anyone reading this though that it was written December 25th, 2011.

Christmas Eve was yesterday and given that I had the whole day off I was finally able to go to Ken's grandmother's house for tamale making. I don't like tamales really but that's not important. I got to see all Ken's aunts and cousins (divorce runs high in Ken's family so there wasn't too many uncles). I also got to drink some of Ken's Grandma Stella's famous coffee. I had like three cups. They waited til noon and busted out the wine and beer. No one offered me any though so I stuck to coffee. It was a good time though and I was able to talk sports to Aunt JoJo's boyfriend who is also an Eagles fan.

We got home at 3 and I only have an hour to set up the house before people start coming over for dinner. I went to use the bathroom since I'm full of coffee. Wanting to make sure I was free and clear to drink wine that evening I took a pregnancy test too. This has been a monthly event for me as I'm somewhat irregular. This month I knew I wasn't since it was the month we were too busy to really try for it since I was sick half the month and we both have been working long hours and whatnot. Yet when checking the test I noticed a faint line appearing in the positive column. This must be my mind playing tricks on me. I've been wanting to see a positive for so long I'm making one up in my head. Or this test is broken. Then I see the control line is there too. The positive line is getting ever darker. That is one positive pregnancy test.

"Holy SHIT!" I yell out. Ken asks what I'm yelling about from the other room and I ask him to wait a minute and I run and grab another test to make sure this one isn't a fluke. Sure enough another positive. I take it out to him. He stares at me confused for a moment and I say "You're going to be a dad." A huge smile takes his face and he gives me a big kiss. I'm still shaking and say I need to take another one to be sure. Third once also confirms I am with child. I string out a line of profanities which is very in like me but I'm in shock.

Then it sets in that our families are on the way over and we need to get ready and also not tell them for another 2 months. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, by the way. The dinner actually turned out very well though and I was freaked out by how often the conversation turned to pregnant talk. It was also fun explaining why I wasn't drinking alcohol or coffee. I was already upset by how much coffee and caffeinated tea I've had the last few weeks. Reading up on it later though the caffeine only increases the miscarriage possibility, so if this baby stays around it won't be hurt by it. Luckily I had a cold so I can say I wasn't drinking cause I didn't want to mix it with my medicine I was taking for it. As for coffee, I didn't want to have any since I'd be going to bed soon.

Our families left and we were able to reflect on the wonderful news we had. I tried emailing my doctor to set up an appointment but it being the holidays, she's on leave. Once again I'm playing the waiting game. I just hope and pray that this is real, that he or she stays in there until August. There's so much to do, but I really think we're ready for it. It is really the best Christmas present I've ever gotten.