I was due to have her August 27th (or 28th depending on which doctor you wanted to listen to). Towards the last few weeks of my pregnancy my doctor told me that I was most likely not going to make it to then. In fact around August 13th she told me I was not likely to go another week. This was quite a surprise to me as I had always assumed that I would go past my due date, both because it's common for first time mothers and because I myself arrived 10 days late. I even had my last day of work as the 25th since I didn't want to waste my maternity leave on sitting around the house waiting to pop.
Another week went by and I didn't give birth, but I did start to have massive amounts of Braxton Hicks contractions. To those of you who don't know BHCs are "practice" contractions where you're not in labor, it just feels like you could be. They are irregular and are just the body preparing for labor. They are one of god's cruel jokes since each time you have one you stop and think, "oh my god, this is it, right? This is it! Should I call someone? Should I- oh wait, no, they're not regular and now they're gone. False alarm." which isn't awful but it happens like 4 times a day. At my check up that week I was told I was a few cms dilated but that's also pretty common before labor and doesn't mean anything. Due to Kenny's worry of me driving (something I still don't understand) and my doctor's insistence that I could go into labor at any time, I reluctantly called into work and said I would need to start my maternity leave a few days early. I only had a Friday and Saturday shift left but it really calmed Kenny having me done.
Thursday night a friend of Kenny's was visiting her folks with her two sons and we went over to visit and I basically got to grill her for 2 hours on labor, newborns, being a mom. Her older son was interested in me being pregnant since he just went through it with his mom. He talked to my belly and I told him hopefully the baby would be out within the next week so he could meet him or her. Afterwards, Ken and I headed over for dinner with my folks and my visiting uncle in my dad's favorite bar. Not the most family friendly bar in town but they do have good food there. I ordered some fries with nacho cheese and my uncle jokingly suggested adding hot sauce to help induce. I had been trying hot food for the past few weeks trying to get things going to no avil, but saw no harm in trying once more. We made plans to meet for breakfast the following morning as he was only in town for the day. Before going to bed that night I noticed a slight dampening but didn't think much of it.
Friday morning I was still damp and I started to wonder if maybe my water bag was leaking. I had heard that this could happen and water breaking wasn't always a big gush. I called into the hospital and asked them about it and told them I wasn't sure if that's what it was or if I was just sweating since it was a very hot summer. They asked me to come in to get checked out and Ken took the morning off work to come with me. I had to call my uncle and postpone breakfast and tell him that it was probably nothing and we agreed to meet for lunch instead. Ken and I grabbed our hospital bag and took one last pregnancy picture just in case and headed up to San Jose. I kept telling myself this was probably a false alarm and we'd be heading back home in an hour and asked Kenny to put up with me being sad if this wasn't it yet. I apologized in advance to the doctors and nurses that I was probably worrying over nothing and wasting their time. They checked and confirmed that my water had indeed broken, I was officially in labor.
I was checked into the hospital and we made all the phone calls we needed to. My mom said she was going to be coming over after work and my dad said he'd be there when he was needed. Thanks to facebook and chatty moms I was getting texts from numerous friends asking how the labor was going and if baby was here yet. Ken and I placed our final bets on what we thought we were having. Both of us agreed it was going to be a girl. My uncle and brother stopped by to say hi and my mom ended up coming in by lunch. She had wanted to be there for as much as it as possible but I had told her for the actual pushing I wanted it to be just me and Ken and warned her that it might be boring the rest of the time. They asked if we knew names and we said it was going to be Theodore Patrick if it was going to be a boy and something Aurora if a girl, we'd have to see what she looked like first.
My birth plan had always been spend as much time at home as possible, sleep and eat as much as I could and only go to the hospital right before hard labor. This plan was now shot to hell. Once the water breaks, you're supposed to deliver within 24 hours to help fend off infection. My water started to break at 10 pm the night before. Contractions were not happening regular or quickly enough which meant they would need to give me pitocin. Pitocin helps bring on labor but it makes the contractions much more intense. I had wanted a natural childbirth with no pain medication so this was going to be tough. By late afternoon they had to give me pitocin since it was going to be 24 hours. Dad called and asked if he should come by. Thinking he was just stopping by to say hi like my brother and uncle I had said yes. He apparently meant to stay the whole time. I felt awful since I knew it was still a long way to go.
The pitocin started kicking in and the bad contractions were starting. So very very painful. Each one Kenny was there for me with, helping me through it, reminding me to breath, focusing me on other things. Between these I was needing to go to the bathroom which was tough due to having an iv in and being attached to fetal monitoring machine and still trying to keep myself looking composed enough for my clearly uncomfortable father. Contractions were getting worse and worse and I could no longer hide the pain from a worried Kenny. I began to just cry out with each one and yell at my mom for suggesting pain medications between them. This was just the worse of it, it was transition, it'd be time to push soon since I really really wanted to push. The doctor came in to check me and warned me that she thought it was too soon to be ready to push, that she didn't think that much progress would be made, and it was dangerous to check me too often since my water already broke. I was sure I was at least 7 cms, I had to be very close to pushing time. My heart sank as she told me I was now at 3 cm.
Hours more of painful contractions went on, my mom, dad and husband all in uncomfy chairs watching me in pain and stubbornly telling the nurses I didn't want anything for it. I had come this far without anything. I had to be getting close. I began throwing up everything in my stomach between contractions so I couldn't even rest during the lulls. At 4 am on Saturday morning I agreed to take something to help take the edge off. It at least wasn't an epidural. This took my pain level from a 10 to a 7. It only lasted about 45 minutes and I wasn't able to take more for 2 hours. I was checked again. I was up to 5 cm. Not the 10 I needed. I was not going to make it. I looked at Kenny and asked him if he thought I should get the epidural. He told me it had to be my decision. I didn't want to disappoint my friend Sherry who had trained me on natural childbirth. I realized that this was the only reason I wasn't getting it anymore. I didn't care about bragging rights anymore. I wasn't worried about it slowing down labor. I had been in labor for 29 hours already, how much slower could it be? I agreed to get the epidural. I saw a wave of relief hit my parents and husband's face.
I cried the whole time through, though not because it hurt. I felt as though I had failed. The nurse we had on was so sweet and told me how hard I had worked and how the best thing for my baby was to make sure I was well enough to bring him or her into the world. Soon it felt as if my lower torso was underwater and I couldn't feel anything that was underwater. I had a contraction and could not even feel it. Once I told this to Kenny he almost instantly feel asleep after having been up for 22 hours straight. I was able to rest a bit, things were cheery. People were more optimistic as the sun was coming up. They gave me an oxygen mask and told me to take deep breaths with it so the baby heart rate wouldn't go down to much. I hated it and took it off every chance I could. At around 11 am the doctor checked and confirmed I was at 10 cms and asked if I wanted to try pushing.
Dad left the room but mom stayed. While I had wanted it to be just Kenny and me, I didn't have the heart to send her from the room. I couldn't feel one of my legs so getting in a squatting position was out of the question. I had my mom lift on one leg, a nurse at the other, the midwife ready to deliver. Ken was right at my back and helped move me forward when it was time to push and help me move back down when it wasn't. He kissed my forehead and told me he was proud. After what seemed like no time the doctor told me she could see baby's hair. I asked the color and she said brown. My baby has brown hair. That was something I new about him or her. More pushing, and I could feel pressure but not much pain. I was always sad to hear the head wasn't crowning yet tough. It felt like the head should be crowning. My mom talked to one the nurses between contractions about the differences in hospitals compared to when she was nursing. The nurse was interested and at times I wanted to remind them there was a baby coming out of me, and maybe they could chat later. The actual doctor came in and told me mid pushing that they could no longer get a read on the baby's heart rate due to how much I was moving so they were going to attach a monitor to the head. I wanted to protest but wasn't given the option to. She attached it and left the room. I didn't like her much.
After an hour or so the baby was crowning and I could feel it. I pushed with all my might and had a room full of supportive people telling me how great I was doing. I pushed out the head, I knew I could push the rest out with the next one. The body felt like it flew right out and I suddenly had this slimy wriggling thing on my chest. It was the oddest sensation. I didn't think "Oh my baby is on me." it was more like the feeling of a warm slimy octopus squirming on me. I had to tell myself, that's a baby. No, that's my baby. I made that. And I pushed it out. It's mine. I then realized I heard crying. That's my baby's cry. That's what they sound like. The midwife reminded Ken that he could announce what the sex was. "It's a girl!" he said proudly. One of the nurses asked what her name was and I looked down and said I didn't know yet, I'd need some time with her first. I looked at Kenny and he had tears in his eyes, and a smile as big as the one I saw on our wedding day. Mom and one of the other nurses were also tearing up. Then I felt something strange on my lower stomach. "Oh, there's her first poop!" the midwife told me. I laughed, the first thing my daughter did coming into this world was poop on her mom. Once the cord stopped pulsing it was clamped and Ken cut it. The midwife stitched up my small tear and Ken and I were left to be by ourselves with our baby. She latched on and started nursing right away and it was time to talk names.
I apologized to Ken and said she didn't look like an Alice which was his favorite name. I also said she didn't look like a Lillian which was my favorite. She wasn't a Kaylee. She wasn't a Margaret. It came down between Coraline and Clarissa. Ken told me since I did all the work I got the final choice. I went back and forth with it. I thought Clarissa was just a little more her. The nurses came in to get her measurements and dress her.
Mom and Dad came in and asked if there was a name yet, I said we were pretty sure it was going to be Clarissa Aurora. More relief came over my mom as she told me she really liked that name. I guess my other name ideas were worrisome for her. I was brought a turkey sandwich for lunch which was nice since I haven't had lunch meats my entire pregnancy. We got moved down the hall for my recovery room which was much bigger and with a private bathroom and two tvs. It was the life of luxury. I checked my phone and was a little annoyed that my mom had already posted my daughter's name on facebook and hoped Ken's parents weren't too mad as when we talked to them we hadn't decided on a name yet. I also wasn't sure Clarissa was her name. I looked down at her and asked "Is your name Clarissa little girl?" when I saw for the very first time a smile. I know it was just a facial tick, but I still took it as a sign. And years from now when she asks why we landed on that name I can tell her that it was the first one she smiled at.
