I'm making the decision to be positive. It's been a rough time for me lately. I have what I like to refer to as "white people problems" (Louis CK). I'm stressed that it's cheaper for us to buy a house then live in our apartment for another year. That my wedding and my moving into my first house will be so close together. That my bridesmaids are all fighting with each other cause each one wants to help out the most with the bridal showers. I have two families that I need to split the holidays between. Both of my jobs are giving me lots of hours and I have to work a lot. AND, as if that weren't bad enough I have to fly out to Chicago for a long weekend for a wedding in a month. Nobody knows my pain....
In all seriousness though I am burnt out. I'm so tired, have miles to go before I sleep, and feel my friend circle getting smaller by the minute. This is partly cause of the bridal party just not getting along, partly cause I'm feeling so burnt out I don't go out of my way to make plans with people like I used to, partly because no matter how hard I try or all the progress I think I'm making with someone, they're just not going to like me and I have to be ok with that. This is where my decision to be happy comes in. As I type this out I'm having a conversation with a friend who's scared she did something to mess up our friendship and I'm almost laughing at the thought we wouldn't be friends. It's nice having that kind of security. Life's too short to waste on undeserving stress and mean people. Someone doesn't want to be my friend? Fine, their loss. I'll be hanging out with one of my others. Centerpieces not working the way I want to? The candles will look just fine, and there will be more focus on me and Ken this way. Having to buy a house now instead of a year from now when loan rates might be up above 5%? Well, I answered that already didn't I? No more worry wrinkles. No more crying. Bring on the good times, I'm ready!
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