The dance days are over...

Saturday being St. Patrick's Day I made corned beef and cabbage for myself, my husband and a couple of friends whom I thought were joining us for dinner. Let me start off by letting you in on an Irish secret. Corned beef and cabbage is like the easiest thing in the world to make and looks extremely impressive and then you get to tell people you've been cooking it all day. The secret of this: The Crock Pot. In the morning I threw in some carrots, tiny potatoes, chopped up onion and then placed in the beef and filled the pot almost completely with water and some seasoning. Put the lid on top, set the heat for low and then waited for dinner. So friggin' easy, so amazingly delicious.

As I had mentioned earlier I had thought we were having some friends over for dinner. I get a text message from them at 10 asking what we're up to tonight and I tell her "Making corned beef and cabbage, and we were hoping you guys were joining us." We had discussed doing just this the week before but hadn't ironed out details yet, didn't seem like we needed to. She told me that she had been invited out by other people who she told she was free to. I told her that if she wants to go that's fine, but we wouldn't be invited so to let me know if she was planning on showing up to our house for dinner. This was probably a mistake of me because I wasn't fine if she didn't show up. I was actually pretty hurt. This was made all the more difficult that they were hanging out with my ex and his wife. Not that I have a problem with them anymore. Quite the opposite. The last time I saw them she was extremely nice and personable to me and I am nothing if not forgiving of people. But I do know that even though we may be on good making small talk, trading house buying and pregnancy advice, and not insulting each other anymore terms, we're not people that they'd invite out for a night on the town. My friend decided to go on the one outing there was no way we could join. After we had talked months about how much fun we had together on St. Patrick's Day and how we had to do something together this year and because I what, didn't set a time for her coming over she was bailing on me?

She asked if she was mad and of course I said no, because I'm a doormat and let people walk over me all the time. She then spent the rest of the day sending me text justifying her actions: we had just seen each other last week, she hadn't seen them in some time, she just wanted to live up some of the glory of past St. Patrick's days, etc. I knew she couldn't do that with a pregnant friend in tow. Kenny's not a drinker, I am. I can't move on the dance floor like I once could, and more importantly: I don't want to. I was excited for my crock pot dinner and potential game night. I liked thinking I wouldn't have to pay money to spend time with people at a bar where we couldn't hear each other and was full of drunk college kids and high school kids with fake id's. I was looking forward to being a grown up.

Then I started to cry. I realized something about me, about my life now. I am a grown up. The St. Patrick's Days of getting ex boyfriends to drink water after overdoing the liquor and tequila shots were over. The driving drunk friends home only to have them get lost on the way because they're too drunk to tell you where they live. The receiving of hilarious text pictures of aformetioned exboyfriends who fell into ditch puking on the way home that night. I think that's what I'll miss most of all. That was my life 5 years ago. My life now is picking out colors for the nursery. Inviting over the inlaws so all that food doesn't go to waste and then having an amazingly fun evening anyway. Having everyone rave over my ever so easy to make dinner recipe. Playing a game with my sister and brother in law at 9 pm and wondering if it's too late to start another. Cleaning up the dishes in my new remodeled kitchen and putting them in my favorite Christmas present from my parents: a new dishwasher. Having a husband who holds me in his arms as I cry out my death of youthful times and reminds me of happy times we have coming up. Yes, the dance parties of St. Patricks Day are over, but next year I'll have a new mostly Irish lad or lassie to celebrate with and we'll have all new traditions. I can't wait.

Tabula Rosa

Happy 2012 everyone. Mine's off to an ok start. I didn't have a rocking new years eve but I'm kinda ok with that. Frankly I would have been happy just watching the east coast ball drop and being asleep by 10. We had a few people over though so I had to attempt to be social. We played Apples to Apples for way too long and then watched a decent movie called "Tucker and Dale vs Evil" which is essentially a movie like "The Hills Have Eyes" as told by the hillbillies. Very gory but very funny. Still very different from New Years in years past. I didn't even drink this time, which I think is the first new years since I was 16 which that was the case? Yay maturity I suppose.

2011 was a really fantastic year for me though. I got married, moved into our first house, had some kick ass trips (mostly Disney ones). I was a bit sad to see it go. This is a new year though and I have a new start to making myself even better. So here are my ever so clique New Years Resolutions:

1. Facebook less. I've been gradually phasing off facebook. I only update my status maybe once a week, but I still check it several times a day. I've promised Ken no long to be on facebook when he's around which I think will help. The fact of the matter is if I need to connect to people I should give them a call and meet up for lunch. Just seeing pictures of the food they're having for dinner or their complaints about the check out lady at Target doesn't count as keeping in touch. I'm not going to delete it all together though cause a. It's a nice easy way to see adorable pictures of my cousin's baby, and all my east coast family, and b. I'm fairly sure a good amount of people wouldn't know how to get in touch with me without it.

2. Blog more. It's very therapeutic to write out what I'm feeling and what's going on and think that only Pat's reading it. I might have other secret readers, but I don't know that. I do still feel the need to connect but it doesn't feel as, what's the word, attention grabby? if I post here vs facebook. If you're reading my blog you came to learn more about me. I'll try not to disappoint.

3. Stop wasting time on people not deserving of it so I can focus my attention on those that do. Like I've said in recent blogs, I've lost a bunch of friends lately. These weren't all big blow up drag outs where we throw out our friendship bracelets. They were more of a slow drifting and I'm hearby making the decision which I want to drift back and which ones I'll send off to sea. I'm not the same girl I was in high school, I'm tired of being treated like it. In fact, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman, a grown woman who has a house and will be starting a family soon. Why should I let "friends" tease me, make me feel like I'm not good enough? I am good enough damn it. I just don't fit what you want. And you know what? If I'm not what you want than this is probably good for both of us that we won't have to spend time together. I'll probably bitch more on this later as old habits die hard, but I already feel more calm knowing I get to choose the people I spend my free time with.

4. Typical eat healthier, exercise more, blah blah blah. No need to comment on this more.

5. Eat at home more. We have a beautiful kitchen. It's silly to not use it. While Morgan Hill has many fantastic restaurants (ohh, good topic for a later blog), the best meal is the one you make yourself. Plus yay for saving money! Eating out shall be reserved for special occasions or going out with friends. For me and Ken, it's cookbook time!

That's about it. There's plenty more I'd like to do but these will be my focus. Good luck on all yours!

Merry Christmas

Another belated post written on the 26th. Christmas morning I woke up at 6:30 too excited to go back to sleep. I found a bunch of pregnancy websites because I have so many questions. I read all the books on how to conceive but none for what to do once I got here. Did you know my baby is the size of a poppy seed right now? I'm kinda amazed that it's big enough to see at all. That is if those tests I took yesterday are even accurate. I did buy them from the dollar store (which according to my research is just fine, but still...) Ken woke up finally at 9 and said good morning to me and good morning to our baby. I told him I'm still not getting excited til I know for sure it's in there.

We headed over to his sister's where we were greeted with "There's a fresh pot of coffee!" Damn it. "Hey Les, do you have any decaff tea?" Ken asks his sister. It seemed blantenly obvious that I must be pregnant cause why else would I turn down delicious coffee for crappy decaffeinated tea. Luckily, I'm just paranoid cause no one seemed to notice and also offered me a mimosa. I made mine myself when no one was looking and may have "forgotten" to put in the champagne.

As we started unwrapping presents, my sister in law put my mimosa on a table and told me that she would remember which was mine. A few presents in I notice in horror that her husband continued to drink from my orange juice mistaking it for his mimosa. Crap, the jig is up, everyone will know. When Leslie noticed this she yelled at Nathan for drinking mine and handed me his. Ken ran interference and said he'd hold my drink while I opened gifts. I'm still super paranoid that Nathan knows since he has now gotten to the bottom of my mimosa and has yet to taste the champagne, but being that he's been through the whole miscarriage thing I think that if he did figure it out, he would have stayed mum about it.

At my parents it wasn't any easier, especially since my parents are huge drinkers. Dad had bought blue moon for me and there were two bottles of red wine on the table for dinner. Also on the table for dinner: crab cakes. Are they safe to eat? Kenny had told me on our way over that it was going to be tough on me not having crab. And there's no way to find out cause I'm at the dinner table and Dad put one on my plate. I had very tiny bites and but my focus on the peas, steak and potatoes. I poured myself a small glass of wine and put it between Kenny and I. It was just enough wine that people wouldn't be offering me more but not too much that Kenny couldn't gulp down once the bottles were empty and we didn't need to worry that it would get refilled. The thing I love about Kenny is he knows exactly what I was doing and he did it perfectly. I love our psychic connections. We somehow made it out ok and I found out when I got home that not only can I eat crab cakes, but it's high in folic acid which is what my baby needs. Oh well. I'll know for the next time I'm secretly pregnant.

Christmas Eve Surprise

So I think this is going to be a long line of super quiet blogging I do and don't post publicly til much later. This will most likely be posted in March or something. I can assure anyone reading this though that it was written December 25th, 2011.

Christmas Eve was yesterday and given that I had the whole day off I was finally able to go to Ken's grandmother's house for tamale making. I don't like tamales really but that's not important. I got to see all Ken's aunts and cousins (divorce runs high in Ken's family so there wasn't too many uncles). I also got to drink some of Ken's Grandma Stella's famous coffee. I had like three cups. They waited til noon and busted out the wine and beer. No one offered me any though so I stuck to coffee. It was a good time though and I was able to talk sports to Aunt JoJo's boyfriend who is also an Eagles fan.

We got home at 3 and I only have an hour to set up the house before people start coming over for dinner. I went to use the bathroom since I'm full of coffee. Wanting to make sure I was free and clear to drink wine that evening I took a pregnancy test too. This has been a monthly event for me as I'm somewhat irregular. This month I knew I wasn't since it was the month we were too busy to really try for it since I was sick half the month and we both have been working long hours and whatnot. Yet when checking the test I noticed a faint line appearing in the positive column. This must be my mind playing tricks on me. I've been wanting to see a positive for so long I'm making one up in my head. Or this test is broken. Then I see the control line is there too. The positive line is getting ever darker. That is one positive pregnancy test.

"Holy SHIT!" I yell out. Ken asks what I'm yelling about from the other room and I ask him to wait a minute and I run and grab another test to make sure this one isn't a fluke. Sure enough another positive. I take it out to him. He stares at me confused for a moment and I say "You're going to be a dad." A huge smile takes his face and he gives me a big kiss. I'm still shaking and say I need to take another one to be sure. Third once also confirms I am with child. I string out a line of profanities which is very in like me but I'm in shock.

Then it sets in that our families are on the way over and we need to get ready and also not tell them for another 2 months. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, by the way. The dinner actually turned out very well though and I was freaked out by how often the conversation turned to pregnant talk. It was also fun explaining why I wasn't drinking alcohol or coffee. I was already upset by how much coffee and caffeinated tea I've had the last few weeks. Reading up on it later though the caffeine only increases the miscarriage possibility, so if this baby stays around it won't be hurt by it. Luckily I had a cold so I can say I wasn't drinking cause I didn't want to mix it with my medicine I was taking for it. As for coffee, I didn't want to have any since I'd be going to bed soon.

Our families left and we were able to reflect on the wonderful news we had. I tried emailing my doctor to set up an appointment but it being the holidays, she's on leave. Once again I'm playing the waiting game. I just hope and pray that this is real, that he or she stays in there until August. There's so much to do, but I really think we're ready for it. It is really the best Christmas present I've ever gotten.

Festivus

As my friend Pat wisely pointed out, today is Festivus. This is my first Festivus. I'm woefully unprepared for it as I've been preparing for Christmas. I cross stitched a sign for my parents in law as they're currently living in a converted chicken coop which they've named the Coop De Ville along with their 4 cats and 2 dogs. Things did not turn out as symmetrical as I had hopped but I am truly buying in on the it's the thought that counts defense.

And on the note of it's the thought that counts, for Grandma Jeannette I attempted to do a picture of El Toro. It actually turned out a lot better than I was expecting it to, but that's mostly because I haven't taken a painting class since Elementary school. Mostly. It's at least pretty obvious as to what it's supposed to be a picture of which is always the biggest challenge.

For my brother I'm actually pretty impressed with the final product. He's lately taken to pretending his a sharks fan since that's what all his friends are. To his credit he's watched every game this season and texted me the scores, not taking into account that I don't want him to (see my grievances below). He's finally admitted that he can't be a Ducks fan as well. But yeah, I still don't fully buy it. That said, it was a good excuse to paint the truly awesome logo that is the Sharks.

Anyways, onto the subject of the post. It's Festivus, and while I don't have a festivus pole I can at least take part in the other two parts of the holiday by having a feat of strength and air my grievances. I will wrestle Kenny to the ground later tonight, probably while he's not paying attention so I can win. Here are my grievances of the year:

1. My friends or lack there of. This year sucked balls for me and my friends. I'm facing the new years with fewer than I started. This doesn't bother me so much. People grow apart. I guess what bothers me is the friends I thought I could rely on turned out to hurt me the most. I feel stupid for putting my trust in the wrong people.

2. My promotion being ever out of reach. We have three library workers retiring this year. My supervisor advised me to apply for one of their old jobs. If I get it I have more hours, a raise, and more responsibility. I could quit my second job. I applied for the job a few months ago and haven't heard anything about it since.

3. My parents on again off again divorce. Dad doesn't want it, Mom does when she feels like she's not getting enough attention. I don't know what to believe anymore. I'm sick of it.

4. I didn't get pregnant as easily as my or Ken's folks. I thought it would be once you decide to have kids, boom, you're pregnant. I'm not. Nor have I been the last 4 months I've tried. Which would be ok except since we just had to tell our folks I know they're expecting it and now I feel like I'm disappointing more than just me and Ken.

5. I don't have my guest room towel or laundry because a certain sister in law took it with her when she finally moved out and has yet to bring it back. And on that note...

6. There's still a goddamn dresser in our guest room that isn't ours.

7. We don't have cable right now because Ken has yet to set it up since installing the mantle. No biggie for him since he never watches it. Meanwhile I've been paying 100 a month these last two months for tv I can't watch. I miss my football.

8. Eagles suck this year! Like they're terrible. It hurts.

9. My brother is annoying as all hell. He sends me stupid text messages about Jonah Hill losing weight. Or he just took a biology test. I don't care. It's sad he doesn't have more friends than his sister but oh my god I'm going crazy trying to be a good sister and spend time with him. He's annoying, decides he likes certain things and then won't shut up about them. I'm going to crack soon.

10. Morgan died this year. This will be my first christmas without her out here since that first christmas where I got the doggie bone indicating that we could get her. It sucks.

I think that's good. Anymore and I might punch a wall or something. Hope you and yours have a happy Festivus and a Merry Christmas.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Well, I've officially had a request to blog again and I'm not one to disappoint. So let me update with some fun things going on in my life. Firstly, my kitchen is done! And beautiful, if I don't say so myself.

The fridge will of course be updated as we find ourselves with excess of moneys. The stove is brand new though, stainless steel, gas lined, 5 range. I love it. It's beautiful and cooks food perfectly.

Also beautiful: our counter tops. They have flecks of green and cranberry in it. It matches the beautiful cabinets that are not actually cherry wood as they look, but stained at a much cheaper price. We also have our new dishwasher delivered today. It too is stainless steel and I'll post pictures once it's installed.

Secondly, it's Christmas* time! I'm surprisingly excited about it this year, I think mostly just because we have a house to decorate. Which we have:

Ken did an amazing time hanging the lights, though we still do need a wreth for the door. It's still feeling a lot like cozy holiday though. We've been making either hot apple cider or hot tea every evening. We also have our new fireplace installed. It's a gas line so we don't have to worry about any save the air days. There is also something very Christmasy feeling about a nice open fire. Complete with stockings by the fire.

 Why yes, that is a beautiful new mantle, thank you for noticing. I feel pretty on top of my shopping this year. If I haven't gotten people their gifts yet, I at least know what I'm getting them. I'm glad that I won't be going completely broke this year. My inlaws want homemade gifts so I'm cross stiching them something for their new home. I'm making Ken's Grandma a painted picture. I'll take pictures of both  once completed. Now if I could only get over this horrible cold I could maybe finish them.

*I say Christmas time because I celebrate Christmas, if I celebrated Hanukkah, I'd say it's Hanukkah time! If I celebrated Kwanzaa or however it's spelt, and you get the picture. I'm tired of people getting offended by the word Christmas. I'm not offended by "Happy Hanukkah" or "Happy Veteran's Day" (I'm not a Veteran after all) or anything. Saying Merry Christmas is saying I hope you have a great next few days.

Shouldn't be taken as an offensive statement. And that's my Christmas rant.

So to all my readers out there: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Happy New Years

So 2011 is upon us. Should be a good one for me. Before the first quarter of it is up I'll be married, going to Disneyworld, and moved in to my new house. Oh yeah, by the way, I have a new house. A house! Like a real live house with doors and walls and mortgage payments and yay! The house is going through some cosmetic changes right now, once it starts looking more put together I'll post pictures. Here's one to tide you over in the meanwhile:

The front probably won't change too much other than the possibility of getting a mailbox that says "The Mendez's" or something like that. So with that awesomeness in mind, here are my New Years Resolutions:

1. Make this house my own. I've been going through paint and carpet samples like crazy. I have the first ideas picked out. This weekend I should get to paint and once it's up on the walls I'll probably have a better idea. But I get to paint and that's awesome. I can put all the holes in the wall I want without worrying about lost deposits. Ken's got some great ideas too that I'm looking forward to seeing in the flesh. February will be much less stressful than January.

2. Read a book per month. I've checked out dozens of books this year, I think I've only finished two, and even that might be generous. I want to be more well read. I work at a library for crying out loud. The first book I'm reading: A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. I've seen it many times, but never actually read the story. I think I can knock it out by February. I'll welcome suggestions as to my next month's book.

3. Do one project per month. I finished my shark scarf last year. Took me almost two years to do it. That's stupid. I made a new one for a friend within a week. I think if I put the pressure on I can get some great stuff made. My first project is a Christmas ordainment (notice my procrastination). Should be a nice easy start to boost my confidence.

That's all I got. Last year I only had 1 which was to plan my wedding, which I mostly did. I still have some more details to smooth out on that one, but yeah. Small lists are more doable. Lets see if I keep it up. Wish me luck!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Just sending some holiday cheer out there to my two readers. I guess I should say Happy Hannakuh as well for half my readership. I was going to wait til I had something official to post (we close escrow on Christmas eve), but I realize that I shouldn't just post when things are good or bad but in between. Since really, isn't that what life's all about? Just waiting for the next thing to happen.

So what has my in between life been up to lately? I was actually well on top of things this Christmas. Had 90% of my gifts bought and wrapped by last week. 70% were actually done about a month ago. I've never been a big Christmas fan. I saw it as a massive headache of buying presents for a bunch of people, some you want to shop for and some you don't. Either way, it costs money and causes stress. There's also the added fun of having two families now. Trying not to let my old family know I prefer the new since they have better games and cook dinner before 7.

Last year was fun but stressful. Ken and I were living in San Jose and came down Christmas eve where I worked at maries in the morning, and headed to my folks house while my mom avoided the rest of us and my uncle awkwardly watched movies with my brother and I while my dad fumbled around the kitchen. Christmas day was spent with Ken's folks with mimosas, great gifts and food, and fun people for the most part. We did have to sleep in the trailer that night as all the beds in the house were taken.

This year I'm excited. We live 2 blocks away from both sets of parents and I have BOTH DAYS OFF! One for my fam and one for his. When asking them about this ages ago my mom brushed off saying she didn't care. Flash forward to the week before Christmas and now spending Christmas eve with them isn't enough. I promised them Christmas dinner next year. Eventually we'll get to the point where we can just invite them over our place and if they don't make it no biggie. Even so, I'm not letting it get me down. I'm full of the holiday cheer. I got great gifts for my family, two fun filled days planed, and a potential cat play date looming. And who knows, maybe there will be house keys in my stocking this year :-)