Some things that made me laugh this week

First off, my family has always had love for the hilarity of the cheesiness of David Caruso's character on "CSI: Miami" but sadly we never thought to take it to this level:

Genius! I may steal this idea when I have a baby. Speaking of, my biological clock has been ticking extra loud lately. I can't shut it up and it doesn't seem to realize my wedding's still a year away. Lousy womanhood...

Anyways, the other thing that made me laugh was this very accurate summary of Oscar movie trailers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbhrz1-4hN4

Enjoy, gentle readers!

Does anyone else find this just a teensy bit giggle worthy:

https://www.shakeweight.com/default.aspx?id=&refcode=1002

Glad to know I'm such a grown up.

No comfort from the 6:00 news

Watching the news is really strange when you know the person who's in the story. You try extra hard to make out their face, doubt the news reporter when they say she's expected to make a full recovery, get mad when they brag they were the only news team on scene, that's not the point of the story. Why don't they give more information? Why don't they tell you that you can get updates somewhere? Why are the people online turning this into a debate about closing hiking trails?

Every single story on there, as minor as it may seem to me, affects someone. Someone is out there with questions, sobbing to see someone air lifted away, searching everywhere they can to get more answers and frustrated knowing that they can't bug the people that would be able to give them more answers.

I don't know my readers well enough to know if you're praying folks, but if you are please please please pray that she's going to be ok.

I have a home!

I'm up way too early and I hardly slept at all last night. Last night, Ken and I got the apartment in Morgan Hill. It's a beautiful (well, decent anyways) 2 bed/2 bath upstairs apartment and it's ours. Not his and his roommates, not my parents, but ours. In fact, it's more mine than his at this point since I put down the deposit by myself. Holy shit, I'm becoming a real grownup.


A little backround for any of my 3 readers out of the loop on why this is so big for me: I "moved" in with Ken back in July when my dad came back from his 3 month east coast trip to learn how to get sober....completely hammered. Realizing that I spent almost all of my free time with Ken and not wanting my dad to be sent away again, I tell dad to move into my room. Mom probably hates dad more for this having "run me out of the house" despite the fact that since Ken and I have gotten together, we've maybe spent 10 nights apart and we're going on a year pretty soon and I half used the giving dad my room as an excuse to move out without having dad hit the roof. Since then I've confined myself to Ken's room whenever I'm home and he's not. His roommate doesn't have a job so is always around and I didn't want to get in his way...like at all. I know that when he signed up to live with Ken for the 7th or 8th year in a row (they've been roommates since Ken's second year of college) he didn't expect Ken have a chick move in as my lovely fiance wasn't exactly a lady's man. Because my fear of upsetting the roommate, we have rarely used the kitchen or living room and have either eaten out or ordered in for almost every single meal eaten here. I know, it's rediculous, but it's how I feel and I'm beyond thrilled that that time is almost over.


That's why I love this apartment so much: I'm going from 1 bedroom to 6. I'm getting a bedroom complete with a walk in closet (oh the shoes that will fill it!) and a bathroom with an outside sink and vanity. No more trying to do my makeup while Ken's in the shower steaming up the mirror.

Then there's the living room, complete with a wood buring fireplace. We've already planned on buying a flat screen to put above it so we can enjoy both a fire and a movie, or maybe a movie about a fire since that would be nice and ironic. But it's a whole other room that I'm allowed to go in because I live there, I signed the paper, my name is on the mailbox, well, metaphorically speaking anyways.

There's a kitchen where I can use the coffee pot Ken's parents got me for christmas and the Kitchen Aid mixer that they got him. We have bar stools already that we can put up to the bar and eat our meals there since there are two of us living there. There's a dining area to put that table his parents have been holding for him for years. We can have people over for dinner for a change and use our beautiful china we bought ourselves as an engagement gift.There's a washer and dryer, and a linen closet (yet another place for shoes as we don't have too many linens). There's a whole second bath room, like a whole one, not one of those half assed numbers with just a toilet and a sink. There's a tub! We could both take a bath at the same time without junk being squashed.

Finally, there's a second bedroom that we don't even know what to do with. We've considered making it another walk in closet, but realistically I think it's going to be our office, perhaps with a futon in it for when Dan comes visiting.

The bottom line is this is a place we found together and it's one of the few things that's going to be ours that wasn't mine or his first or wasn't bought by one of us as a gift to the other. It's a home that we're going to fill with stuff and decorate and really live in, not just sleep at. So I guess it's no wonder I got no sleep last night, people usually don't sleep well when they're away from home.

My very good day

Last monday was a fantastic day for me. I wake up next to my amazing fiancee after being sick in bed all the day before. I'm still not feeling 100% but we go out for breakfast together and have a delicious perfect sized meal that gives me some much needed energy for the day. I drop him off at work and head down to Morgan Hill. Despite getting stuck in traffic I am still able to make it to my 11:30 interview at Red Robins. The interview goes about 15 minutes, most of which me and the manager interviewing me just spend the whole time agreeing with each other. She lets me know that she'll call me at 5 to let me know if I got it or not.

I have an hour to kill before I start my first day at the library and I remember this fantastic DSW gift card my uncle gave me and head over and find the perfect shoes for New Years Eve. They are everything that I could want in a shoe: tall, silver, sparkely and with an adorable ankel strap. If I could tap dance in them they might be my ideal shoe. We will have a grand love affair that of course will have it's bumps in the road, what with me getting extreme blisters or regreating the skinny heel after a few glasses of champaign. We'll make up though. Heck, these might be my back up wedding day shoes. But it may be too early in our relationship to say that...

1:00 rolls around and I head over to the closed library where my new boss Belinda shows me around. She has me organize a few carts for her and is thrilled when I do it right each time. I have my own locker in the amazingly awesome break room. Walking through the aisle I see countless books that I tell myself I need to check out. And when it's 5:00, Belinda says I'm free to go. I have a start time and and end time, and they stick with it. It's amazing. I could definitely get used to that.

After I get in the truck I give Brian a call and we go to meet up at Starbucks for coffee and chatter. I then get a call from Red Robin telling me I got the job and I can start next week. I then go to Rosey's for $5 beer and burger with my mom and brother to celebrate now my 2 new jobs. Kenny and my dad come to meet us and after a delicious dinner, me and Kenny drive home and cuddle up to "It's always sunny in Philadelphia."

The best part of this day was it just set the tone for the rest of the week. I still love my job, everyone is still excited to have me work there, and I was able to have lunch with one of my bridesmaids/ coworkers today. I think this might be it for me. I feel like my life is going in the right direction. Being a grown up rocks.

Bitchin' about my mom

I'm sitting in the living room watching the eagles/49ers game, knowing full well I'll have no football friends out here this week and it seems like it's the right time to write in my blog. I'm not sure what I need to write about, but the writing bug has bitten and you don't ignore bug bites.

I got back from one of the most unique trips to the east coast I've ever had. It was half good half bad. The good was I got to bring Kenny, introduce him to everyone and everyone to him. They all loved him of course, who could blame them, he's awesome and wonderful and I'm thankful everyday to have him in my life loving me and giving me strength and stability (but that's not where I want this blog to go, Kenny knows I love him, no one else wants to hear me ranting about it). We also got lots of free food between being taken out to dinner by family members and weddings and whatnot, my jeans are certainly tighter now than a few weeks ago. Both weddings we attended were awesomely wonderful and beautiful and the love was almost tangible between the bride and groom. The bad: my parents, no, not parents actually, my mother.

Let me remind all you gentle readers that I love my mom. She's my mommy. She went through 9 months and 9 days with me in her and 38 hours of me taking my sweet time coming out. She cares for me, wants me to be happy and yeah, I love her. She's driving me crazy lately. To start off, she's divorcing my dad. What's worse is she's divorcing my dad for changing reasons. At first it was his drinking, which was far out of hand. However, with the exception of half a glass of champaign at my engagement dinner, he hasn't drank anything in almost 5 months. If you knew my dad, you'd know what an accomplishment this is for him. Then my mom decides it's cause he's not bringing in money for the home. He makes a sale and brings in some money. Now, now I don't know what it is. She goes back east and on the car ride home from the airport she tells me this trip has just made her realize that she needs to divorce my dad once and for all, and she "knows it's not what I want to hear." No freakin' duh, mom. I wanted them to work things out. I hoped so many times (rarely outloud since it'd be too embarassing when it doesn't happen) that they would find a way to be back in love. I can't understand what has happened to make her think this is the only way. Frankly it doesn't matter. She's clearly upset that I don't want to talk about it. "I just thought that you were old and mature enough to talk about this." she says. I respond that you never are old enough to hear about your mom falling out of love with your father.

She also said I've made my allegence clear that I'm with my father by staying with his mother for the majority of the trip. This was not because I hate my mom and her family, but simply because she offered and had room for Kenny and I whereas her side did not. Not to mention she lived in close proximity to all the wedding events I had to attend. Also I stayed with her mother for two uncomfortable nights anyways, sleeping on the floor in her living room.

After dropping her off on Monday I don't talk to her again until Friday night when I see if she wants to meet for lunch the next day (Kenny's idea, not mine, I'm fine not talking to her until Christmas). She says sure, but throws in a guilt dripping "It's nice to hear from you" at the end of the convo. I want to yell the phone works both ways but restrain myself.

Oh, well. The bright side of Christmas is that I get to spend most of it with Kenny's family who has completely welcomed me in. We went over to wrap presents last night and with the rest of the family's stockings was one with my name on it complete with a Donald Duck pin and a Phillies logo on it. I'm going to love being a Mendez.

Dreamcatchers

I bought a dreamcatcher back in middle school on a trip to the Grand Canyon, just because I thought they looked really cool. I like things that have a superstition or a story behind them even though I rarely believe in them. I liked having a conversation piece in my room that also happened to go along with the pretty pink decor I was trying to establish. Funny thing, about a year or two after hanging it up I realized my nightmares stopped. I never had that many bad dreams to start off with, but I was wracking my brain trying to think of one I had had recently. I chalked this up to both good luck with maybe just a tad of placebo effect. Either way, I was happy.

I moved in with Kenny about 4 months ago leaving pretty much all my room decor back there. Since then I've had at least 2 nightmares a month. There's no theme with this dreams at all, just random bad things happening or people coming to attack me and me trying to get away. Last night I dreamed of a little boy from my summer camp trying to stab the evil out of me. The nightmares do all end the same way, however, me flailing my arms about until Kenny wakes me up and me being confused as to where I'm waking up.

Could me not sleeping by my dream catcher really be affecting this? Or maybe it's just my subconscious dealing with new problems in my life such as my parents divorce in weird abstract form. At the end of the day though, it's really fantastic that I have someone right there to calm my nerves and stroke my hair til I fall back asleep. And if things get really bad, I may just hang up another dream catcher, just in case...

10 reasons to smile today

I feel like I've been complaining a lot lately (and I expect to put a complainy post on here before the week is up) so I'm going to counteract negative energy with a list of 10 things I'm happy for today.

1. Kenny got me a new computer cord since my old one was falling apart and now it stays plugged in at all times.

2. Kenny made me my favorite gnocchi last night when he knew I was having a rough day.

3. I don't have work any day but Sunday this week which is helpful since it's that one week where working is not ideal (and on a related note, totally not pregnant, yay!).

4. Not one, but two ex's have asked me out of the blue if I was engaged this week which means that not one, but two of them see this not only as a real possibility but also something that they're curious enough to know to contact me after weeks or months of no contact at all. Ego has been stroked.

5. I have my dress and shoes all ready for my friends wedding on Saturday where the weather is supposed to be sunny and warm :-)

6. I'm turning 25 in less than two weeks and I'm actually feeling surprised that I'm not 25 already rather than freaking out over getting old like I have been the past 3 years.

7. Hold the nuts drumsticks are like the best thing ever and I still have some in the freezer.

8. Managed not to make a drunken fool out of myself at the bachlorette party last weekend.

9. Found 2 potential apartment complexes that would be nice to move into in February.

10. I'm going to Disneyland in a week and a half!

Angry rant not directed at anyone who would read this

I'm irrationally mad at someone. I hate knowing that it's irrational cause that means I can bitch about it less, but this is my blog so there you have it. I can't call him up yelling so I'll release my frustrations here. I don't have a strong focus here, but I need to let this out.

My last serious relationship didn't end on the best of terms, but we still maintained a friendship for a good long while. He had a little too much to drink on his birthday, I made sure to get him home safe and get him hydrated. His uncle died, I was at the funeral. His parents split, and I was sure to check in on him and brought him out from time to time. I wasn't this uber fantastic friend though, I kept my distance. I was the one that ended things and I didn't want him thinking we were getting back together, but time and time again I tried to be as much a friend to him as I could, after all, we were together for two and a half years.

This all changed not after I started dating again, but after he did. I was so happy that he was moving on. I was dating someone else too around the same time and so I figured it would be great and happy. He was even dating someone who knew the guy I was dating. How perfect is that? I invited both of them to my birthday party and they didn't show. At mutual friends parties the conversations became shorter and colder. I don't think I've changed. My grandfather passed away, the grandfather who he liked him. I got a facebook message of "wow, I'm sorry." That hurt but I understood it to an extent. He was starting off a new relationship, I don't know if maybe his girlfriend didn't get along with my boyfriend.

Then me and the boyfriend broke up, my ex and his girlfriend were still fine, and now it's my parents going through a divorce. As much as that sucks on it's own, it hurts even more that someone who used to swear that they loved me and they cared about me didn't so much as offer a half hearted "if you need to talk give me a call some time." He didn't even have to mean it. I wasn't fully sure if he knew about it, I suspected he did though. Even the guy I dated for 5 months offered to be a sympathetic ear, and I don't even think he liked me all that much. My closest friends help just by asking, and they really can't relate even. One's parents split when he was 6 and he hasn't seen his dad in 10 years, his advice to me is of course to ditch my dad, I don't need them. Another parents are still married though it's difficult at times. Another's mom passed away 6 years ago. They still all let me talk, and let me know I can talk.

The last time I talked to the ex he told me he had heard about it. I think this hurt more than anything. He mentioned it casually, barely looking up from his potato salad. I wanted nothing more than to scream at him all the hurt I was feeling. How it killed me that I tried so hard to be there for him during his bad times and now that I was going through the same damned thing, only add a double dose of alcoholism to mine, and he hastily changes the conversation to his up coming vacation. I do regret things in my past, I know it's unhealthy but I do, and while I don't regret being there for him as a friend, I regret ever thinking he could be a friend for me.

Cause I haven't posted in a while...

I begin this blog only knowing that I'm supposed to write, not knowing what I'll be writing about. I'm tired of only reporting the same old things: parents are divorcing, dad's still drinking, things with the boyfriend are good, things with my job are the same. Hey what do you know, I did that anyways. But there's more to me than bullet points, I'm almost sure of it. I've been planning my future a lot lately which has turned me into one of those people I hate. Those people who are so busy thinking of the next step that they can't even take time to enjoy what they have. But really, I don't feel like I have that much to enjoy right now. I don't mean that how it sounds, life could be way worse than it is, but it's just feeling a little static now and I'm looking forward to a change. Whether that's moving into a place that really feels like I have a right to be there or planning a wedding or starting a new job or caring for a kitten even, I want a change. That's all stuff that's going to happen in the future though. I need to focus on the here and now. Maybe football season will help with that...