Angry rant not directed at anyone who would read this

I'm irrationally mad at someone. I hate knowing that it's irrational cause that means I can bitch about it less, but this is my blog so there you have it. I can't call him up yelling so I'll release my frustrations here. I don't have a strong focus here, but I need to let this out.

My last serious relationship didn't end on the best of terms, but we still maintained a friendship for a good long while. He had a little too much to drink on his birthday, I made sure to get him home safe and get him hydrated. His uncle died, I was at the funeral. His parents split, and I was sure to check in on him and brought him out from time to time. I wasn't this uber fantastic friend though, I kept my distance. I was the one that ended things and I didn't want him thinking we were getting back together, but time and time again I tried to be as much a friend to him as I could, after all, we were together for two and a half years.

This all changed not after I started dating again, but after he did. I was so happy that he was moving on. I was dating someone else too around the same time and so I figured it would be great and happy. He was even dating someone who knew the guy I was dating. How perfect is that? I invited both of them to my birthday party and they didn't show. At mutual friends parties the conversations became shorter and colder. I don't think I've changed. My grandfather passed away, the grandfather who he liked him. I got a facebook message of "wow, I'm sorry." That hurt but I understood it to an extent. He was starting off a new relationship, I don't know if maybe his girlfriend didn't get along with my boyfriend.

Then me and the boyfriend broke up, my ex and his girlfriend were still fine, and now it's my parents going through a divorce. As much as that sucks on it's own, it hurts even more that someone who used to swear that they loved me and they cared about me didn't so much as offer a half hearted "if you need to talk give me a call some time." He didn't even have to mean it. I wasn't fully sure if he knew about it, I suspected he did though. Even the guy I dated for 5 months offered to be a sympathetic ear, and I don't even think he liked me all that much. My closest friends help just by asking, and they really can't relate even. One's parents split when he was 6 and he hasn't seen his dad in 10 years, his advice to me is of course to ditch my dad, I don't need them. Another parents are still married though it's difficult at times. Another's mom passed away 6 years ago. They still all let me talk, and let me know I can talk.

The last time I talked to the ex he told me he had heard about it. I think this hurt more than anything. He mentioned it casually, barely looking up from his potato salad. I wanted nothing more than to scream at him all the hurt I was feeling. How it killed me that I tried so hard to be there for him during his bad times and now that I was going through the same damned thing, only add a double dose of alcoholism to mine, and he hastily changes the conversation to his up coming vacation. I do regret things in my past, I know it's unhealthy but I do, and while I don't regret being there for him as a friend, I regret ever thinking he could be a friend for me.

Real Friends

I'm not entirely sure if I've ever written on this before. I write a lot of blogs that are never actually inputted to my laptop, but this is certainly a topic I've thought of many a time and one at this point in my life is near and dear to my heart.
First off, let me fill all readers in on something that you may or may not know. My mom has asked my dad for a divorce. My parents have been married for 26 years so this is a little bit of a hard pill to swallow. I never once doubted their love for each other. I thought I was one of those lucky folks who would get to plan their parents 50th someday. And even now, the pain and upsetness I feel I can't isolate from the disappointment that I was wrong about things. I'm 24 now, this won't affect me that much. But let me be frank, this sucks. My dad is absolutely desperate to be with my mom and my mom is absolutely desperate to be rid of him. My dad is an alcoholic, this isn't new, but my mom has had enough. He's 4 days sober but that's too little too late. And a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not fully ready to get into, that's not the point of this blog.
The point is, friends that I thought I was really close to haven't called me up at all, even knowing what I'm going through. I know it's awkward to say "hey, how's your parents divorce going?" but simply asking "how are you doing with everything?" does wonders. I was caught off guard a few weeks back when I was updating a friend on things in my life and he asked how I was doing with my parent situation. It was so refreshing to hear. I got an email from an old friend that I really haven't been close with in over 4 years that I saw last week and updated my life on my parents and he said he was here for me. It's amazing that after so much time and distance has gone by, he's put in any effort to make sure I'm ok at all, and it's so immensely comforting. On the flip of that, my former best friend of the last year and a half only just found out the stuff with my parents and not because she asked how that was going but because I had to explain to her why things were so crappy for me lately. She claims she's missed me, but she's made no effort to do anything with me. I'm just so lost on what's worth trying for and what's not. Who can I talk to? Who can I trust? Who even cares? Eh, enough whining for one night, I'm off to eat ricearoni.