Guy "Friends"

I have a lot of guy friends. I'm pretty sure they outnumber my girl friends 3 to 1. For the most part, they're completely platonic friendships. We honestly just enjoy each other's company and talk about movies, sports, whatever really. I consider myself not a tomboy, but rather a girl that is very guy minded. These days I prefer beer to mixed drinks, watching hockey to watching Grey's Anatomy, and always insist on splitting the cost of things in relationships. Not to sound completely full of myself, but I think I'm a pretty fun chick to hang out with. And not to sound even more full of myself, I think a lot of my friends would agree. Yet, I notice a shift in almost all of their attitudes with one simple change in my life: they get more distant when I have a boyfriend.

To be absolutely fair, a good number of my guy friends I have some kind of romantic history with. Either it was we dated for a while or there was always this unspoken attraction between us or even me pining for them or them pining for me. Still, the majority of these guys are in relationships with other girls and those that I have dated we broke up for a reason and there was plenty of opportunity for us to get back together if we had wanted to. They don't make a play for me when I'm single at all. We never talk about having a relationship. So why should it change now that I'm seeing someone else?

Also, is it their attitudes that are changing or my own? Maybe I'm subconsciously pushing them away so to make room for my new beau to be the most important guy in my life. Either way, it's a little annoying that I no longer feel as close with people who I used to, or that they seem to want to talk to me less or see me less. Who knows, maybe I'm just reading into this way too much and nothing's changed at all. Well, one can hope, right?

*Sigh*

I'm wondering how many times I can turn down a guy and still have him asking me to come over. My last boyfriend, if you can call him that, broke up with me in December. I saw it coming and was in fact trying to decide if I wanted to work on it or just admit defeat myself, but he made the decision for me. He said there was a wall there, I didn't seem happy anyways, and a whole bunch of other vague stuff that basically boiled down to him not wanting to be with me.

Since breaking up I've realized how much time and energy I wasted on being sad about him. I think the main thing I was upset about is he met so many of the things I wanted in a boyfriend. He loved sports, the same kind of movies I did, he was republican (my god is it hard to find another republican out here), and of course a fantastic kisser. I mourned losing my boyfriend the shark's fan, my boyfriend "the soup" watcher, my boyfriend that would dance with me at bars. I didn't mourn really losing him though. I healed quickly. Actually by new years I had already found someone I was interested in.

About a month or two after we broke up, he started talking to me again. I hate burning bridges so I talk back and before you know it we're flirty friends. As my feelings for this new guy intensify, my feelings for my ex start to fad. It appears the more my feelings for my ex disappear, the more his feelings for me grow stronger. He's indicating that he wants to work things out and try again, of course not in those words (I'm pretty sure that he feels if he never says it he can never be held accountable for anything). So now here I am feeling bad for him when I really shouldn't cause I don't owe him anything and I was willing to work on this back in December and now I'm ready to move on to someone who really wants to be with me. I just wish I knew the best way to help him move on so I can be free to go be giddy.

The Deal Breakers

So I have this idea of my dream guy in my head and I know some of the traits that he'll have, tall, funny, a sports fan, has a mancrush on Joel McHale...but none of those are exclusive. Like if he meets enough of the requirements but really doesn't get the brilliance of "The Soup", I can still be pretty happy. I do have a list of qualities in a guy that I simply will not tolerate, that if they have any of these traits I'll have to pull the "I'd like us to be friends" line. They are the following:

1. He has a vagina. Let's just get this out of the way now. I can't do it, sorry. Chicks are awesome and all, but I'm straight.

2. He's a Cowboy's Fan. I know this seems silly, a team affiliation is not usually considered in selecting the ideal mate, but it's important to me. I'm a hard core Eagles fan, I'm always going to be rooting for them, and I really hate the idea of watching a game and having him root against my team each time and me root against his each time. I'm ok if he likes another team that I don't care for, I'll support that as long as they're not against my team. This rule probably applies to Redskin and Giants supporters too.

3. He's anti-social. I don't need someone to come out with me everytime I go out, in fact, that would be pretty annoying. But I do need someone that I can take to couples parties and will get along with my friend or at least make polite conversation. It'd also be really nice if he had his own circle of friends so I didn't feel bad each time I wanted to have a girls night out or whatever.

4. He's anti-children. I'm planning on being a teacher, so I'll be working with youngin's a lot. Most of my friends are planning on having kids. I'm mostly planning on having kids. It would really suck if everytime we were out around youngsters he was annoyed, or mean, or rude. I'm not saying he has to be super nanny, but he at least has to be ok if he's left alone with them for 10 minutes.

5. He has kids of his own. I'll admit this sounds weird after the last one. But hear my logic. I really hope to be a mother someday. I'd be ok not being a mother if that's what my husband wanted, but if he was already a father I would feel left out. I know me, and I know I would want my own kid. And I know I would most likely prefer my own child to my husband's and what a horrible thing to do a child that would be. I'm not saying all adopted or step children aren't loved by their step parent, I just don't see myself as being able to do that. I'd also feel like his child should come before me and as much as I hate to admit it, I like coming first with someone I'm in love with. If we were to have a child of our own it would be ok for both of us to put him or her first since it would be a creation of our love. I'm also sure I'd have problems with the child's real mother. It just seems to be the safer choice not to get involved.

6. He's anti-homosexual. I should maybe just say he's intolerant of anything that someone can not control but at this time, antigay is the bigotry de jour. It's not just because I have friends who are gay that I would want him being ok with, it's that seeing a problem with it is not something I can understand. I've tried to see it from someone else's point of view and I can't, I just can't. And the more that I try to understand why someone would have a problem with it the angrier I get at them for being so stupid. Call me close minded if you want, but I know myself and this is not something I can overlook.

7. He's an alcoholic. I come from a long line of alcoholics. I've seen how it's changed my mom who was fine before my dad. I've see how it affects your kids, your kids friends, your grocery bills, your gut, your health. It's not pretty. I'm in serious danger of becoming one myself and if I end up with someone who drinks too much, I will drink too much too. I'm not saying they can't drink at all. But restraint must be shown.

8. He's into drugs. Alcohol now and then is ok, in moderation (see above). Even the occasional pot is fine (not so much where it's a habit, but at a party every once and while). I can't go beyond that. It's probably judgemental on my part, I've never done anything past the other two, but I really don't want to know that world. I don't want to be tempted into it, and at the end of the day, I don't have to :-)

9. He believes in an open relationship. If that works for him, great. Doesn't work for me. I like commitment, I like titles, and I like not having to worry about getting STD's.

10. He is overly jealous/controlling. I have made some mistakes in the past. I strayed, but once I did, I realized the relationship wasn't working and I ended it. I could never be the type to have an affair. I still consider myself a faithful person, so I deserve to be trusted. I also have guy friends that outnumber my girl friends 3 to 1. I need to know that when I go out with them he's not going to be sulking at home, or worse, following me out there. Jealousy is very unsexy.

Dating

I don't know what I have against it right now. It sounds great in theory. Meet someone kinda cute and somewhat interesting, share a meal, a movie, maybe a kiss if things are going well. If enjoyed, repeat. Hell, as a girl I might not have to pay for any of that. I should be all onboard. But I'm not. That just sounds exhausting. Maybe it's just that I haven't really met anyone kinda cute and somewhat interesting. Maybe it's that I myself don't feel kinda cute and somewhat interesting and the idea of trying to be both for 3+ hours sounds like a lot more work than it's worth. I think I get why people marry young, it's cause they're sick of dating and would rather stay in on a friday night without judgement. I know I'm coming off as sounding bitter and the sad thing is I really have no reason to be. I haven't been hurt that bad in the past. The last guy I fell in love with hasn't rejected me completely but enough to the point where I fell out of love with him and am maybe a little more picky now. But even so, I've given the relationship thing an honest try, and no one can say that I didn't. I guess it's just not the right time for me right now, which sucks cause I'm 24 and my pickings are getting slimmer and slimmer by the year. That said, and I know this sounds cheesy and cliche, but I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. I guess I'm a bit hopeful that things will just work out for me eventually. Man, I guess I'm just in a cliche mood today. I should quit while I'm ahead.