Monday, February 2, 2009

The Deal Breakers

So I have this idea of my dream guy in my head and I know some of the traits that he'll have, tall, funny, a sports fan, has a mancrush on Joel McHale...but none of those are exclusive. Like if he meets enough of the requirements but really doesn't get the brilliance of "The Soup", I can still be pretty happy. I do have a list of qualities in a guy that I simply will not tolerate, that if they have any of these traits I'll have to pull the "I'd like us to be friends" line. They are the following:

1. He has a vagina. Let's just get this out of the way now. I can't do it, sorry. Chicks are awesome and all, but I'm straight.

2. He's a Cowboy's Fan. I know this seems silly, a team affiliation is not usually considered in selecting the ideal mate, but it's important to me. I'm a hard core Eagles fan, I'm always going to be rooting for them, and I really hate the idea of watching a game and having him root against my team each time and me root against his each time. I'm ok if he likes another team that I don't care for, I'll support that as long as they're not against my team. This rule probably applies to Redskin and Giants supporters too.

3. He's anti-social. I don't need someone to come out with me everytime I go out, in fact, that would be pretty annoying. But I do need someone that I can take to couples parties and will get along with my friend or at least make polite conversation. It'd also be really nice if he had his own circle of friends so I didn't feel bad each time I wanted to have a girls night out or whatever.

4. He's anti-children. I'm planning on being a teacher, so I'll be working with youngin's a lot. Most of my friends are planning on having kids. I'm mostly planning on having kids. It would really suck if everytime we were out around youngsters he was annoyed, or mean, or rude. I'm not saying he has to be super nanny, but he at least has to be ok if he's left alone with them for 10 minutes.

5. He has kids of his own. I'll admit this sounds weird after the last one. But hear my logic. I really hope to be a mother someday. I'd be ok not being a mother if that's what my husband wanted, but if he was already a father I would feel left out. I know me, and I know I would want my own kid. And I know I would most likely prefer my own child to my husband's and what a horrible thing to do a child that would be. I'm not saying all adopted or step children aren't loved by their step parent, I just don't see myself as being able to do that. I'd also feel like his child should come before me and as much as I hate to admit it, I like coming first with someone I'm in love with. If we were to have a child of our own it would be ok for both of us to put him or her first since it would be a creation of our love. I'm also sure I'd have problems with the child's real mother. It just seems to be the safer choice not to get involved.

6. He's anti-homosexual. I should maybe just say he's intolerant of anything that someone can not control but at this time, antigay is the bigotry de jour. It's not just because I have friends who are gay that I would want him being ok with, it's that seeing a problem with it is not something I can understand. I've tried to see it from someone else's point of view and I can't, I just can't. And the more that I try to understand why someone would have a problem with it the angrier I get at them for being so stupid. Call me close minded if you want, but I know myself and this is not something I can overlook.

7. He's an alcoholic. I come from a long line of alcoholics. I've seen how it's changed my mom who was fine before my dad. I've see how it affects your kids, your kids friends, your grocery bills, your gut, your health. It's not pretty. I'm in serious danger of becoming one myself and if I end up with someone who drinks too much, I will drink too much too. I'm not saying they can't drink at all. But restraint must be shown.

8. He's into drugs. Alcohol now and then is ok, in moderation (see above). Even the occasional pot is fine (not so much where it's a habit, but at a party every once and while). I can't go beyond that. It's probably judgemental on my part, I've never done anything past the other two, but I really don't want to know that world. I don't want to be tempted into it, and at the end of the day, I don't have to :-)

9. He believes in an open relationship. If that works for him, great. Doesn't work for me. I like commitment, I like titles, and I like not having to worry about getting STD's.

10. He is overly jealous/controlling. I have made some mistakes in the past. I strayed, but once I did, I realized the relationship wasn't working and I ended it. I could never be the type to have an affair. I still consider myself a faithful person, so I deserve to be trusted. I also have guy friends that outnumber my girl friends 3 to 1. I need to know that when I go out with them he's not going to be sulking at home, or worse, following me out there. Jealousy is very unsexy.

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