Deja Vu

It's a strange feeling that I'm experiencing in a way by choice. Same smells, touches, tastes, sounds, sights, emotions, conversations. Has anything changed? I mean it's like it was in, well, not quite July, but certainly late August. Here I thought I was growing up, maturing, making better decisions. Maybe I'm not making bad ones or worse ones, but they're the sames ones. And I'm liking to think I have the upper hand when maybe I don't at all. I'm not calling the shots even though I pretend that I am. And I'm still the one doing the work and getting none of the credit. I'll snap out of it sooner or later...I hope.

The most frustrating illness ever

Sunday night at work I began feeling sick. At first I was sure it was just a sick reaction to the Eagles losing yet another chance at Superbowl. But after almost passing out while a customer pondered which soup they wanted with their salad I realized I was getting sick. After the longest shift of my life I got home and tried my best to sleep. It didn't happen. Instead I had cold sweats all night long and a horrible sore throat. As the day progressed on I felt a little better and by the evening, was sure that after a good night sleep I would be right as rain. I was wrong. For some reason, my illness gets worse at night, or when I'm trying to sleep. It causes me to wake up from whatever sleep I do get in a cold sweat. It made me lose all appetite. I had to keep my mouth open since I couldn't breath through my nose, causing my mouth to get dry, causing me to want to swallow which is the most painful thing I could do at the time. I tried taking a shower which just made cold and uncomfortable. Basically anything that I normally do when I'm sick that makes me feel better only made me feel worse on this time. I had no clue what to do. But, by some miracle I felt better this morning and as the day's gone by I've felt stronger and stronger. I think a little Nyquill tonight and rest tomorrow and I'll be regular Julie again. Woot.

Dating

I don't know what I have against it right now. It sounds great in theory. Meet someone kinda cute and somewhat interesting, share a meal, a movie, maybe a kiss if things are going well. If enjoyed, repeat. Hell, as a girl I might not have to pay for any of that. I should be all onboard. But I'm not. That just sounds exhausting. Maybe it's just that I haven't really met anyone kinda cute and somewhat interesting. Maybe it's that I myself don't feel kinda cute and somewhat interesting and the idea of trying to be both for 3+ hours sounds like a lot more work than it's worth. I think I get why people marry young, it's cause they're sick of dating and would rather stay in on a friday night without judgement. I know I'm coming off as sounding bitter and the sad thing is I really have no reason to be. I haven't been hurt that bad in the past. The last guy I fell in love with hasn't rejected me completely but enough to the point where I fell out of love with him and am maybe a little more picky now. But even so, I've given the relationship thing an honest try, and no one can say that I didn't. I guess it's just not the right time for me right now, which sucks cause I'm 24 and my pickings are getting slimmer and slimmer by the year. That said, and I know this sounds cheesy and cliche, but I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. I guess I'm a bit hopeful that things will just work out for me eventually. Man, I guess I'm just in a cliche mood today. I should quit while I'm ahead.